Dear readers:

When I began writing OFFICE HOURS, I never guessed how much email the column would generate. Responding has been a privilege, but the volume of letters has finally become too great for me to make personal replies to most of them. Instead, ASK THEOPHILUS will appear — as often as needed, and as often as I can manage!

Every now and then I'll devote an entire column of ASK THEOPHILUS to answering a single letter. On other occasions the columns will be a mulligan stew. Most of the letters chosen will be edited for brevity; although this will sometimes require rephrasing, I'll try to preserve the tone and substance of the originals. Any letter I receive MIGHT be used — but I'll always edit out anything which I think may identify or embarrass the writer. That's a promise.

As to topics, anything goes. In general, I'll give preference to letters which raise issues that I know college students are dealing with — especially college students who are willing to consider the claims of the Christian faith. But some letters will be included just for fun.

The next few installments of ASK THEOPHILUS deal with the fallout of two recent OFFICE HOURS columns "Homophobia: An Unfinished Story," "If the Reformation's Over, Can We Dance?", and "What If We Love Each Other?" After that, I'll leave those topics alone for a while.

Grace and peace,
PROFESSOR THEOPHILUS

*** * ***

"Homophobia: An Unfinished Story" sparked more email than any other that I've written. Some readers accused me of lacking love:

If I wrote down one of my dreams, will you publish me? After all, it would be a **** of a lot more believable than this ****. Why do you people assume that your readers are unbelievably dumb? Is it because they are (college students, no less), or is it because you like to deceive yourself into thinking that? One of the saddest gay-bashing attempts I've come across.

Others, like this one, thanked me for having love:

I really enjoyed your article about homophobia. As the Christian daughter of a gay man, this issue is very dear to my heart. I see how destructive homosexuality is to my father and others everyday. I am so glad to see your words stressing God's love as His purpose for wanting us not to sin. It's a relief that you speak the truth without bigotry.

Some asked heart-wrenching questions, like this one:

My brother is gay, and your column has helped me to focus my approach to him. However, he recently informed me that he has joined a new church, whose founder has had an entirely new New Testament "channeled" through her by Christ! He says that the "new" New Testament is much more "tolerant" of different life styles and strives toward unity of all religious beliefs. HOW DO I APPROACH THIS?

To this reader I respond:

We all cook up rationalizations and excuses when we do wrong, and your brother's rationalization is just a little weirder than most. You should keep praying, keep loving him, try not to panic, and avoid confusing love with approval. If your brother is at all open to reason, point out that an all-knowing God would not have to revise His perfect bible, and that a 'unity' among religions which held diametrically opposite views would be impossible. Most important is to explain that no loving Father would 'tolerate' anything which destroyed His children. God loves your brother too much to keep silence about his self- destructive desires.

Here's another letter that pulled my heart:

I just found out that my boyfriend is gay. I love him very much and he loves me the best way he can, but he hates these feelings he has for men. He wants to change and has been praying for these thought and desires to be taken away. My family is praying for him too. Is there anything else I should do for him? He is a Christian, but I believe part of his problem is that his father suffered from a mental disorder, so that he never really had a chance to love him. Now he's reaching out for male love in another way.

To this reader I respond:

The good news for your boy friend is that change is possible for those who really want to change. Thousands have come out of homosexuality, and the Bible too confirms the possibility of change (1 Corinthians 6:9-11). I don't mean that change is easy, but nothing can limit the power of God. Have your boy friend contact Exodus International, an umbrella organization of Christian ministries that offer support to men and women seeking to overcome homosexuality, at http:// www.exodus-international.org. In the meantime, do something for yourself: Get in touch with Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays, an Exodus-affiliated network of parents, friends and families whose loved ones struggle with homosexuality. The web address is http://www.pfox.org.

I'll close with the following long exchange. This was one of the last letters to which I was able to give a personal reply, and my correspondent and I continued for two rounds. Although she offered as true certain claims I've challenged in other writings — for example about faithfulness in homosexual relationships — I don't think love would have been served by arguing with her about them. There is a time and place for everything, and the real issues between us were quite different.

I'm not sure why I am writing to you, but I couldn't help responding to the latest installment of "Office Hours." "Homophobia: An Unfinished Story" is a thinly-veiled attempt to provide thoughtless, spoon-fed dialogue to college students who may encounter gay students on their campuses. It seems to be a way to prevent young college students from actually listening to the person who is merely trying to defend themselves, how the feel and who they love. Instead, 'Professor Theophilus' provides them glib answers in the most condescending tone possible.

I'd be really surprised if you actually bothered to post this letter because it doesn't fit the image of an unreasonable, ranting gay person that you'd like to impress upon young minds.

The author's arguments were almost painful to read. I don't know why he feels the need to defend his beliefs — simply put, he believes homosexuality is wrong. End of story. No one can really argue with that since he has a right to his opinion. Don't I wish this were the scenario. Instead he spreads misinformation gleaned from poorly researched studies about gay men and their behaviors. Truth of the matter is that both heterosexuals and homosexuals contract sexually transmitted diseases, are promiscuous, and have sexual relations that include non- procreative sexual activities. If you want to delve into statistics and studies be prepared for a verbal tussle — it would be more valuable to society if you fought clear-cut societal ills such as child abuse or homelessness instead of relationships between consenting adults.

How do you expect homosexuals to react to these arguments? With smiles? He's essentially calling all gay people immoral heathens instead of recognizing that there is great diversity among people in the gay community. By pretending to be reasonable, the author tries to craft a tone and attitude that would push the buttons of anyone who was gay or a friend of gays — not because he's right but because he's so obtuse and self-righteous. If anything this is what pushes many homosexuals to allegedly hate Christians — which is largely a myth, since there are so many different denominations and most homosexuals consider themselves to be Christian. What we're really arguing about is politics and status in society — there are thousands of clergy who believe that there's nothing wrong with being a homosexual. Take issue with them for not interpreting scripture the same as you, but leave ordinary individuals out of it.

What is my solution? Leave each other alone. Gay people calling themselves a "couple" or "married" DOES NOT affect you in any way. Go preach to your fellow believers but leave us alone. You'd further your cause better if you spent more time tending to you own flock than worrying about ours. Say you don't like homosexuality but please, just leave us alone to live our lives and love who we love.

I replied:

Thank you for your letter. I'm sad that you're upset. It surprises me a bit that you think that the remarks of my fictional character Lawrence are unrealistic and stereotypical. His opening accusation comes from a real-life conversation with one of my homosexual students. The rest of the things he says seem rather like the remarks in your own letter.

For example, don't you express the same hot, defensive anger toward me that Lawrence expresses toward Professor Theophilus? Like Lawrence, don't you put words in the Professor's mouth (like "immoral heathens") instead of responding to the words he actually used? Most important, don't you hold the same opinion that Lawrence does about what it means for me to love you? You see, when I come across someone who is destroying her life, I think love means that I should care enough to urge her to live. You think love means that I should walk on by. Thank God for the people who tried to talk to me when I was killing myself.

I'm sad, too, that you think my picture of the homosexual life is distorted. My friends who have left the gay and lesbian life seem to think it's pretty accurate. If you ever have second thoughts about the life — perhaps you have had some already — please remember that change is possible. Christ changed my friends; He changed me, from a different kind of brokenness (though just as deep); and He would love to show you what He has in mind for you.

If you're determined to hear hatred when I speak of hope, I don't know what else to say. But I hope that won't be the case. Lawrence's story isn't finished yet. Neither is yours.

May the grace of God be with you.

My correspondent responded to me like this:

I felt that your response dignified one last response from my end. I find something that you wrote really disturbing. You say the word "love" at the same time that you feel that you can authoritatively tell me that I'm destroying my life. That's not love, that's sitting in judgement of my life when you don't know me at all.

I support your right to have your opinions and beliefs about the "gay lifestyle" although I very much disagree with your assumptions and two-dimensional portrayals of gay people. Would you consider listening to some other stories of gay people's lives, like from people who don't hate themselves for being gay? There are plenty of happy, productive, kind, gentle, caring, well-adjusted people who are gay. Many of these people are in strong monogamous relationships, some with children, some without. We just want to carry on, live our lives, and not be criminalized and demonized. How hard is that to understand?

How would you feel if you had to defend the very nature of who you are to people who think that there is something fundamentally wrong with you? And what if these people were spreading awful untruths about you, your friends, your family? What if they're telling others that you are a danger to yourself and others, that you must hate your father, that you must have been abused as a child? What if those same people were saying that your friends are dangerous and abusive? Could you just sit there? Wouldn't you get upset? Wouldn't you get angry? My "hot defensiveness" has nothing to do with my being gay and everything to do with how deeply the false notions that you spread offend me and have the potential to hurt others.

I don't think you hate me, but I think you hear something completely different when you listen to a gay person. You see and hear tragedy when there very well may not be any, you interpret the frustration directed at you as hatred instead of realizing that we are on the defense much of our lives because of attitudes like yours. That is why we find people such as yourselves so frustrating, so angering-- because someone like you claims to know us, know our lives, and know what is in our hearts and minds. Well, you don't know, and I'd appreciate it if you stopped telling others what we are all about because, sir, you clearly have no idea.

And I replied to her response like this:

Thank you. I do know that some people demonize you. They are not my friends, and I'm sure you have many good qualities. You rather misunderstand me too. Is it sitting in judgment to warn a diner that the egg salad has gone bad and will make his body ill? Neither do I judge you if I speak of what will make your soul [and body] ill.

It seems terribly important to you to believe that I think you damned and ugly and worthless. You might succeed in convincing yourself, but that doesn't make it true.

In the love of Christ.

If you have questions you’d like to Ask Theo, send us an email and we'll pass it along to him.