CATHOLICS AND PROTESTANTS: PRO AND CON
"If the Reformation's Over, Can We Dance?" was a direct answer to prayer. Within hours of reading it, I found myself in a conversation in which Catholic-Protestant differences were the major issue, and was able to share the article with my friend. We had such a wonderful time of fellowship discussing it, and it brought us together in Christian love.

That’s just what I was hoping for; soli Deo gloria.

It was disheartening to read "If the Reformation's Over, Can We Dance?" Can Catholics be Christians? Most certainly yes! Are the doctrines of the Catholic Church as acceptable as the doctrines of the Reformation? Most certainly no! Professor Theophilus is a trusted advisor on matters of life and death. It is a breach of that trust to approach such a serious matter with a cavalier and ambivalent attitude.

You're committing the fallacy of argument from silence; it's not possible to infer what I think of an issue just from the fact that I haven't discussed it. The issue was: Are Catholics and Protestants both authentic Christians? My answer was: Yes. Of course we have important differences, but let's not pretend that just because Catholics and Protestants don't agree about everything, therefore we don't agree about anything; and let's pray for the grace to keep talking.

HAYWIRE
Why are most women I know dying to get married and most men I know terrified of commitment? And I'm talking about Christian men and women. It seems like something has gone haywire here. Which sex is right? Are they both wrong? HELP! And what can we do about it?

Women tend to be more strongly oriented toward relationships, men toward "doing things." This difference is more than culture; it's part of the human design. It's also why men and women need each other, because our designs are complementary. Because of this difference, however, women tend to be quicker to recognize their need for men than men are to recognize their need for women. Another result of the difference is that although both men and women sin equally, they tend to sin in different ways; while women are more likely to sin in the name of relationship, men are more likely to sin against it. For example, a woman is more likely to "devour" a dear one's personality than a man is, but a man is more likely to "use" another's body than a woman is. In a culture like ours, in which men can get sex without giving anything in return, these tendencies are perversely amplified, and unless Christians consciously resist them, they too fall under the spell. Christian women: Hold out for marriage. Christian men: Get married. For those of you of either sex who are called by God to permanent singleness: Remember that you aren't uncommitted; you have another and deeper commitment.

MARRIAGE ON THE BRAIN
I'm 19 and in my second year of college. In the last year, I've had marriage on the brain. I think about it all the time. I want nothing more than to be a wife and mother, which I think is what God has for me. But I'm worried that I'm TOO focused on getting married. I pore over wedding magazines, read books on what makes a good marriage, and dream about what it will be like. I don't think any of these things are terrible in themselves, and I think I have a realistic view of marriage, but it's starting to monopolize my thought life. I have no boyfriend or marriage partner in mind, but I can't seem to "kick" this marriage obsession. What do you think?

There's certainly nothing wrong with wanting to be a wife and mother! But when you say that marriage is beginning to monopolize your thoughts, do you mean that it interferes with your concentration in general, or just with your concentration on your studies? If the former, then you need to see a counselor who is qualified to treat obsessions. If the latter, then perhaps you don't want to be at college. Or perhaps you do want to be, but you're in the wrong course of study. Could either of these be the case? You certainly seem intelligent, but there are lots of things intelligent young people can do. Give some thought to whether you should stay in college — and if you should, give some thought to what course of study you should pursue. Whether in college or out of it, make sure that you can support yourself while you're waiting for Mr. Right to show up.

SHE TOOK IT ALL AWAY
I am in a quandary. My fiance and are getting married in three months, but we have not had the standard engagement or relationship. She was sick in bed for over six months, and is just getting up and around. This was very hard for both of us, but let me get to the point. We are both very passionate people, and while she was sick, I was not able to show her any physical affection. Then we got engaged. We had always butted heads on how physical to get, but after we got engaged we became a little more lax on this. We are still virgins, but we probably went a bit too far. Then my fiance tells me that she wants no intimacy or intimate contact until our wedding night. This issue has just been such a thorn in our relationship. The problem lies in that I want some kind of intimacy so much because I couldn't show her my love while she was sick, and then when we did start showing love, she takes it all away, both of which make me want it all the more. She says she wants it, but she doesn't feel comfortable or able to express her feeling that way. It has reached a boiling point to where my fiance is just so tired of talking and discussing this issue. I want it so much, but I don't want to cause her grief or pain. We try to come to a compromise, but she just feels that there is no way to compromise on this issue. What do you think I should do? — Hurt and Confused

My dear young man: Let me be sure I understand you. You admit that you bullied your girlfriend into sexual behavior which you know was wrong. Now, just because you couldn't get enough of it while she was sick, the instant she gets out of bed you feel justified in bullying her to resume it. You call this a passionate desire for intimacy; I call it being a selfish pig. You say you are hurt that she finally said "No"; I say you are spoiled. Your "me, me" attitude would be just as wrong within marriage as it is outside of it, and if you can't dump it right now, I would advise your girlfriend to dump you. When a man loves a woman he does what is good for her. He doesn't just talk about it.

THIS TRAIN DON'T CARRY NO DANCERS, NO HIGH-TONE WOMEN, NO FANCY PRANCERS
I know some denominations used to put dancing on their big-sin list (along with movies, which seem to merit that distinction now more than ever). My friends and I enjoy dancing (especially Swing), but we sometimes wonder about the propriety of it. Could you shine a little light on the subject?

Like having a beer, the question of whether to dance falls not under Commandment, but under Wisdom. In other words, God has not prohibited it categorically, but you have to use your head. The denominations which frown on dancing frown on it because of a concern that it may arouse lust, which does fall under Commandment; except with your spouse, you shouldn't be doing things that arouse your body or inflame your mind. So we ask: Does dancing do that? I would say: That depends on the kind of music, the kind of dancing, your own vulnerabilities, and the circumstances. For example, Swing doesn't get my motor running like that, but it might have that effect on you; or it might get your motor running with one dancing partner, but not with another. Then too, there may be no problem with the dancing itself, but there may be one with where you go to do it, who you go with, or what else you do when you get there.

Say, do you like Tex Williams? His music was big in the glory days of Western Swing, and he wrote some of the funniest ballads I've ever heard.

IS THE OLD TESTAMENT UNCHRISTIAN?
Jesus is lovely and kind, but there are shocking things in the Old Testament — for example the idea that it's okay to rape women captured in war if you wait 30 days. These seem extremely cruel and out of line with the message of the Bible. Jesus is God and I'll worship Him in regardless, but it's hard to get to know God better unless these ideas can be addressed.

Remember how far the Hebrew people had to come. They had long been slaves in Egypt, and God taught them little by little as they were able to absorb His teachings. The law that He gave them through Moses represents not their final lesson but their first, not their advanced instruction but their ABCs. That's why Jesus taught over and over in the Sermon on the Mount, "You have heard that ... but I say to you ..." He wasn't claiming that the law of Moses was defective, but that there was more to come.

To see what I mean about ABCs, take another look at the passage in Deuteronomy 21:10-14 to which you've alluded. You've got its meaning upside down. According to the custom of the world in those days, soldiers made attractive female captives their sexual slaves. Deuteronomy 21 doesn't approve the practice, but abolishes it; it requires that a female captive who is taken into a soldier's home be considered not a slave, but a wife. The man is forbidden even to touch her for thirty days, just so that she can grieve for her father and mother.

You may be thinking, "But she hasn't consented!" True, but in those days marriages were arranged; neither young women nor young men expected to have a choice in the matter, nor did they desire one. It would have been humiliating to be taken captive in war — but it would not have been humiliating to be married to a man one had not chosen.

DEARGODIMSORRYFORALLMYSINSAMEN
Can we repent of all sins at once, or does each have to be repented of separately?

If you had committed numerous wrongs against your girlfriend, how would you apologize to her? Would you say "Sorry for everything, babe, now let's get on with it"? Or would you say "I'm sorry for doing this, and this, and this, and this, and this; the memory of how I've hurt you is intolerable; can you find the mercy to forgive me?" It isn't that she couldn't possibly forgive you the first way — I suppose you might mean it — but the second way is better for your relationship, and for you. So it is between us and God.

AN EARTHY TEACHER
In the next few days I'll begin a course taught by an extremely anti-Christian doctoral student who has already "summoned the earth spirits" in class. Two Christian friends will be classmates, I'm not exactly concerned about my grade, and don't feel compelled to engage the teacher in debate or argument. I'm a fairly new Christian, and I've never walked into this kind of atmosphere, or at least not one where I was expected to spend four hours a week. How do I not deny my faith in class? Is this something I need to continually cover in prayer? And what type of prayer? Protection?

Of course you should pray continually, but you should pray continually about everything, not just this. What should you pray for? Protection if you fear attack, courage if you fear being timid — whatever you need. Since you'll have the support of Christian friends, and you aren't afraid of being punished for being a Christian by bad grades, I'm not sure why you are worried that you might deny your faith. Have you denied it on other occasions, or were you once an earth-spirit worshipper yourself? Feel free to write again if I'm missing the mark.

SOPHIE'S CHOICE
During the first day of my macroeconomics class, the professor said "How many of you would refuse to kill your mother for any price?" The majority of the students picked up their hands. Then he said, "Okay, but suppose your mother was in hand of a terrorist who said that if you didn't kill her, then he'd kill her — but raping her first. NOW how would you choose?" As a Christian and a son, should I choose the lesser of two evils toward my mother, or would killing her be the greater evil before God?

Scripture categorically rejects "doing evil that good may come"; when some people accused Paul of teaching this doctrine, he was shocked (Romans 3:8). Better to suffer sin than to commit it. If the terrorist rapes and murders your mother, the guilt is his; if you murder her with the thought of sparing her rape, it is no better than if you had raped her.

One of the most powerful motives to do wrong is the desire to make the right thing happen — to "fix" things that cannot be fixed. Christian faith undercuts this desire, through conviction about the helplessness of man and through confidence in the Providence of God. In the end, He, not we, will set all to rights. Without this conviction and this confidence, I doubt that it's even possible to resist the urge to do evil that good may come.

Grace and peace, PROFESSOR THEOPHILUS

If you have questions you’d like to Ask Theo, send us an email and we'll pass it along to him.