Answer: They both insist that homosexuals can’t possibly change — and they’re both mad at anyone who says otherwise. At Focus on the Family, we know this first hand, because we’ve now had the distinction of being denounced by both groups.

Some quick background: In the last couple years Focus has employed several people who have left homosexuality, and have told their personal stories in public, seeking to offer hope to others who want to do the same. Gay activists reacted by going into heavy denial — saying "either these people couldn’t have ever been really gay, or they’re still gay but they’re lying about it" — and even sought to blame groups like Focus for Shepard’s murder. (The "logic": If you say it’s possible and desirable for homosexuals to change, you’re obviously providing an incitement to violence.)

Now, ironically, we’re getting it from the other side. A few days back the Rev. Phelps showed up at Focus’s Colorado headquarters with a handful of picketers who came all the way from Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kan. Phelps’ message: Ex-gays don’t exist, and those who say God loves homosexuals and wishes to change their lives are guilty of "damnable heresies." As one protester’s sign put it, "Fags Can’t Repent." (Apparently they never read the Apostle Paul’s statement to the contrary in I Corinthians 6:9-11.)

But whether either side likes it or not, ex-gays are here, in numbers too large to deny. Thousands of them have been involved with ex-gay groups, and doubtless many more have never contacted any group, keeping their entire experience (both entering homosexuality and leaving it) quiet. It’s simply not credible to dismiss so many people as being engaged in a gigantic, collective fraud. Only an ideologue would try.

This is very good news, in more ways than one.

It’s good, first of all, because there’s nothing very "gay" about the life common to homosexuals. AIDS, promiscuity, drug and alcohol abuse all are rampant. (See Not Afraid to Come Out). These destructive behaviors, moreover, frequently stem from emotional wounds that run very deep — loveless or absent parents, psychological or sexual abuse — and that never truly healed. Surely the fact that people now ensnared in such lives are not doomed to spiral endlessly downward, but can instead find healing and embark on a totally different path, is cause for rejoicing.

The new visibility of ex-gays is good news in another way too; it changes the whole debate over homosexuality.

Far too often the issue has been cast in liberalism’s standard formula — as a battle between the caring people (liberal) and the callous or downright mean-spirited people (conservative). Opponents of homosexuality are routinely accused of "hate" or "homophobia" (the latter term implying a wildly irrational pathology) and painted as persecutors whose goal is to make life miserable for homosexuals, if not wipe them out entirely.

When ex-gays come out and Christians embrace them, that caricature cannot stand, and it becomes easier to perceive the realities. Christians oppose homosexuality, not the people who are caught up in it. Christians want them to fulfill themselves in their God-given identities as men and women — and where possible, to know the joys of marriage and family life. Above all, Christians wish them to know a right relationship with God, and all the rich rewards that brings.

Hardened gay activists won’t see things that way, of course. But there are plenty of people struggling with homosexuality who will once they learn more about ex-gays. So will lots of straight people who know something’s wrong with homosexuality but have hesitated to say so for fear of being thought mean-spirited.

There’s one more benefit resulting from the emergence of ex-gays: It separates the relatively small group of real haters within the church — the Phelpses — from the bulk of avowed Christians. When Phelps pickets Focus, that separation only grows more apparent.