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by J. Budziszewski
"Professor Theophilus? How do you do?" My
visitor gave me his business card.
"How do you do?" I glanced at the unfamiliar
company logo and put the card in my pocket.
"Are you a used textbook buyer?"
My visitor was smiling, but he didn't seem
happy. "No, ah, the name's Hittite. Ralph
Hittite." When I said nothing, he prompted
"Father of Tom Hittite."
Memory snapped into place. "Of course. My
student. Please sit down, Mr. Hittite." I offered
him coffee, which he refused.
Again the ingratiating smile. "I understand,
Professor, that you and Tom had a little
disagreement."
"There was no disagreement," I said
pleasantly. "He whined a little, but I caught him
with the goods."
"The goods?"
"Two pages of his take-home exam were
from a 'free term paper' Web site. Another two
had been copied from another student in the
same course. The conclusion was copied
straight from the encyclopedia. Without
acknowledgement, of course." I gestured
toward my desk. "Would you like to see the
essay?"
Mr. Hittite shook his head. "No, that won't be
necessary."
"What did you want to talk about?"
"About his — well, about his punishment."
"Good. But he must have told you the
university's arrangements. Were you referring
to your own?"
"My own?"
"I mean how you're going to punish
him. You do want what's good for him."
"Of course, but — "
"I thought so."
"I don't think you understand me, Professor. I
wanted to talk to you about your
recommendation."
"Mine?" I was taken aback. It hardly seemed
my place to tell him how to discipline his son. I
only knew that Tom Hittite lived at home and
that he had cheated on my take-home exam.
Still, his father had asked for my advice, and
the least I could do was advise him.
"Well, Mr. Hittite, if my son had been
suspended for cheating, I'd tell him that the
free ride was over. Until he was readmitted, I'd
expect him to get a job and pay room and
board — at market rates. I'd also expect him to
start contributing to the cost of his education. If
acquiring knowledge means so little to a
young man that he's willing to plagiarize the
work of others, he needs to pay a higher price
to learn its worth."
"Professor — I’m afraid I'm not making myself
clear. It's your recommendation to the
dean that I'm trying to understand."
"Oh, I see," I replied. "Didn't Tom tell you
about that? I recommended a one-semester
suspension from the university. Of course he
also gets an F in the course, but I don't need
the dean's OK for that."
Mr. Hittite shook his head. "It just seems all
wrong to me."
I nodded. "It does to me, too. Suspension
should be automatic."
"That's not what I mean."
"What do you mean?"
"Really, Professor! A one-semester
suspension? Isn't that ridiculous?"
"I agree with you," I replied. "When the
university was founded, students caught
cheating were expelled. That would never
happen now. I considered recommending a
full-year suspension, but the dean would
never go for it."
"Professor, are you telling me that my son's
penalty should be even harsher than it is
already?"
Suddenly this strange conversation came into
focus for me. "Mr. Hittite, are you telling me
that his penalty should be even more
lenient than it is already?"
"Lenient is hardly the word I would have
chosen."
"What do you propose? No suspension, just
an F for the course?"
"Not even that."
I was amazed. "An F for the exam but not the
course?"
"Why should he receive an F at all? Just have
him take the exam over again. Give him a
chance to prove himself."
"He did have a chance to prove himself. He
proved himself to be dishonest."
"But the purpose of the exam is to find out
how well he understands the material, isn't it?
And you still haven't found that out."
"That's right — because instead of using his
chance to show me, he cheated."
"Shouldn't a young man even have a second
chance?"
"He does have a second chance."
"But you said — "
"Mr. Hittite, the second chance is that after
Tom's suspension is up, he'll be readmitted to
the university on disciplinary probation. He can
still get his degree; it will just take him four
months longer to earn it. In the course of a
whole life, four months is nothing. Honesty is
a gain worth many times four months."
Mr. Hittite didn't answer; he merely spread his
hands in vexation. I began to see the problem;
he simply didn't believe that his son should be
held accountable. With such an upbringing, no
wonder Tom cheated.
"May I ask what you do for a living, sir?"
"I'm a certified accountant."
"What would happen if an accountant were
caught stealing?"
"He'd lose his job. Probably his license. But
Tom hasn't stolen."
"He has. He stole credit for the intellectual
labor of other people, and he tried to steal a
grade."
"That's no big deal."
"I beg your pardon, but it is. Intellectual
dishonesty in my vocation is like financial
dishonesty in yours. Knowledge is a
university's only reason for existence."
"But Tom is just a boy!"
"How old is he — 19?"
"Twenty."
"That is pretty young, isn't it? I suppose
you pick out his clothes for him in the
morning."
"Don't be absurd."
"Well, no, I guess you wouldn't do that. But
you choose his friends for him, don't you? And
you tell him when to go to bed."
"Of course not!"
"Why not?"
"For heaven's sake, he's an adult!"
I folded my hands and let what he had just
said sink in. He reddened slightly, but wasn't
ready to quit.
"I mean he's becoming an adult."
"How does someone become an adult?" I
asked.
"By making a lot of mistakes," he answered.
"That's what you don't seem to understand,
Professor. Didn't you make mistakes when
you were young?"
"I certainly did," I smiled. "I started early, too.
In childhood."
"There, you see?"
"You, too?"
"Of course!"
I leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes.
"I can still remember my first crime. When I
was 5 years old, my parents took me to the
grocery store and I stole a cherry. I'll never
forget what happened next."
"What happened?"
"When my Dad saw what I was chewing, he
marched me up to the produce manager and
made me confess my crime. The two of them
discussed in deep voices whether I should go
to jail. Eventually the produce manager said I
could 'work off the debt' by taking some empty
cardboard crates to the dumpster and shaking
the dust from his brooms."
I laughed. Despite himself, so did Mr. Hittite. It
was a little tight, but it was a laugh.
"So you pursued a life of crime too?" I asked.
"Yes, but you got off easy," he said. "When I
was 10 and my father caught me stealing
apples from our neighbor's tree, he took me to
the woodshed. We still had woodsheds in my
part of the country." We laughed again. "He
said it would 'build character.'"
I chuckled. "I guess it did."
"Indeed it did. Yes, indeed."
We were silent for a moment.
"This is what I don't understand, Mr. Hittite.
Don't you want your son to have character
too?"
He stiffened again. "I'm sure I don't know what
you mean."
"But you do. You told a wonderful story just
now. But the moral of your story was different
than the moral you told me a few minutes
earlier. You said then that we become adults
by making mistakes, but that's not how you
and I became adults. We became adults not
through doing wrong but through being held
accountable for it."
"As I told you," he said tautly, "I just want
what's best for my son."
"What's best for him is what your Dad gave
you."
"A 20-year-old is too old to be taken to the
woodshed, Professor."
"You're right. But he's not too old for other
treatment."
Mr. Hittite continued smoldering. Why couldn't
he see the point?
"Did you resent your father for punishing
you?" I asked.
"Resent him!" He was offended. "I loved my
old man."
"Are you now afraid that your son won't love
you?" It was just a shot in the dark.
He stared at me. A full minute passed.
Still stiffly, he said, "So you don't think I should
get him off the hook."
"I think you should help keep him on it. For the
sake of your love for him."
Another few seconds passed.
"He doesn't know I came here today."
"Are you going to tell him?"
He looked at me, considering. "Maybe not."
Perhaps I had got through to him after all. I
knew he'd never tell me.
He stood up abruptly and put out his hand.
"Well, thank you."
We shook hands formally, and he left.
If you have questions you’d like to Ask Theo,
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