I can be a reserved person. I'm friendly and easy to talk to, but I don't like attention. I really don't like confrontations. When I feel a conflict starting, I try everything to make it better and if it can't be avoided I get really tense. Usually I want to cry, even if it has nothing to do with me.

I guess God often calls us out of our comfort zone and that's why He put me in a Romantic literature course with Dr. Zak.

From the beginning, I knew this class was going to be different. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out, though. Before the professor even handed out the syllabus, he asked us who believed in heaven and hell. I confidently raised my hand not looking to see if I had any brothers or sisters in Christ in my class. Dr. Zak announced that we would either change our beliefs or we wouldn’t make it through his class. I was shocked. Every meeting after that got worse.

He would quote Scripture, daring the class to even try to convince him it was true. He would ask all Christians to defend their beliefs. I was often the only one to speak up, almost always interrupted by his mocking laugh. He often got uncomfortably close to me and would call my belief in Christ stupid. I got more and more scared each time. I knew it would be easier to say nothing, but that wasn't an option. Worry consumed me before each class meeting. I tried to come up with excuses to skip and even considered dropping, but for some reason I stayed.

One class meeting, about four weeks into the semester, as we were discussing Blake, he questioned whether love was true. I shared that love was true because God loves us. He laughed (especially scary that particular time) and asked if God really loved Jesus since he sent Him to die. "Would you do that to your son if you really loved him?" He inquired.

I tried to tell him that I wouldn't ever have to. Jesus already saved the world, and He did it by choice. He could have had angels rescue Him at any time he wanted, I said. That was enough ammunition to send Dr. Zak into a full-on battle with me. And our discussion became like Michael Jordan playing one-on-one basketball versus a toddler. I was losing badly.

"If Jesus could have stopped it at any time," he bellowed in my face, "And he didn't, then he is a pushover just like every Christian, especially you! Jesus did not call on angels because he was scared to!"

I wish I had told Dr. Zak that Jesus wanted to do only God's will and that He cared so much for us that He wanted to sacrifice His life. I wish I had shared with the class the only way to life. I wish I had told everyone how Jesus had made me complete — but I didn’t.

I began to cry. Not just a stray tear — I was borderline hysterical. All my frustration over Dr. Zak's behavior towards me was coming out. My fear of attention and conflict was flooding down my face. In doing so, I let Dr. Zak know that he had gotten to me, and that, yes, I was a wimp.

The class ended after only a few more minutes of him yelling at me. I attempted, with no success, to exit gracefully. As I walked through the courtyard near my dorm, bawling, I questioned God for not protecting me from Dr. Zak's ridiculing. After being comforted by my boyfriend and his words of encouragement, I buried myself in the Word hoping to find more comfort. Instead, I found conviction.

* If God is for us, than who can be against us? — Romans 8:31

* But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecution, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. — 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

* Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance . . . Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him. — James 1:2-3, 12

* That is why I am so eager to preach the Gospel. . . . I am not ashamed of the Gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes. — Romans 1:15-16

* How then can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? — Romans 10:14-15

*Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. — 1 Corinthians 9:19

*For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. — 2 Corinthians 2:15

I knew I had made a huge mistake. You see, I saw the whole discussion about Christ as a battle between Dr. Zak and me. Boy was I off. God had given me the opportunity to share the Good News with a group of people and instead I became offended and wanted to quit the class. Not once did I consider the eternity of these people sitting in the classroom. Not once did I concern myself with Dr. Zak's soul. With my self-centered approach focusing on my comfort (or lack of it), I allowed myself to be intimidated by Dr. Zak and caused him to believe that I really was a pushover. Over 20 people had their souls at stake and I was too busy having my feelings hurt to care. God gave me a second chance and the courage to go back to class.

My prayers outside the door changed from me asking God to keep Dr. Zak from yelling at me, to begging for these precious people and their eternal destination. I asked God for opportunities to share Him with the class. Our conversations about God continued throughout the rest of the semester, but the tone of the class had changed when I allowed God to give me the words to say. I was also blessed with the chance to tell a group of girls from the class how God had used the situations to make me a better person. This opened up into more witnessing opportunities for me.

I'm not sure if any of my peers' lives were changed, nor do I know if Dr. Zak has come to Christ. But I do know that God used an uncomfortable situation to teach me something.

Our focus, even in Romantic Literature, needs to be Him. We need to glorify Him in everything we do. And people need us to confidently share Him, even when it is hard. When we are not trying to live for Him, even in the smallest things, we will not meet success. He promises that when we seek Him we will find Him. He was with me all along, I just didn't ask Him for help.

I am still embarrassed about my behavior in Dr. Zak's class, but it reminds me that I need to invite God into the classroom (and everywhere else) with me. I hope God blesses me with persecution again. I plan on being more prepared with the armor of God and tough enough to share the Gospel no matter the circumstances.

And maybe someday, Dr. Zak will be worshiping with me in heaven. That's what really matters, right?