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Scrolling through the music archives, we
come upon the man of mystery, rock and roller
Roy Orbison, with his jet black shades to
match his jet black hair, who was popular for
more than just his hit song, “Pretty Woman.”
Before the award winning movie came out,
named after Orbison’s song, most believed
his 1960 chart topper “Only the Lonely” was
his greatest work. Now, in the quiet of my own
office, pecking away on the old laptop, I’m
trying to stimulate my creative juices by
looping this golden oldie over and over again.
His deep baritone voice crooning:
Only the lonely know how I
feel tonight.
Only the lonely know this feeling ain’t right.
Only the lonely know why I cry. Only the lonely.
Maybe tomorrow, a new romance.
No more sorrow, but that’s the chance.
Only the lonely know why I cry. Only the lonely.
As wealthy and famous as Orbison was, many
of his songs seemed to have a dark and
forlorn feel to them, seeming to reflect the pain
in his own life. Born in a small Texas town in
1936 and dying of a heart attack in 1988,
Orbison was acquainted with grief, having lost
his wife and two sons in a two-year period,
and with a career described, at best, as up
and down.
Even the fun, up-tempo song “Pretty Woman”
speaks of his isolation. Let me crank it up a bit
and let you in on a few of the lyrics:
Pretty woman, walkin’ down
the street.
Pretty woman, the kind I’d like to meet.
Are you lonely just like me?
Pretty woman, stop for a while.
Pretty woman, talk for a while.
Are you lonely just like me?
Pretty woman, don’t walk on by.
Pretty woman, don’t make me cry.
Are you lonely just like me?
Orbison wasn’t the only artist to sing of his
feelings of rejection and desolation. Maybe
you’ve heard of Britney Spears or Puff Daddy
(excuse me, P. Diddy!). They each sing a song
simply named “Lonely.” One of the best
selling albums of all time was my Beatles
“Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club
Band.” If I searched really hard, I bet I could
find that 33 rpm piece of plastic antiquity
somewhere in my attic! Ageless Cher knows
her audience when she sings “This Is a Song
for the Lonely” even though Ricky Martin
counters with his Latin salsa “Nobody Wants
to Be Lonely.”
Now we get specific by dividing our periods of
lostness and desperation when country star
Mickey Gilley sings of “Lonely Nights” while
the group Mest wails away about “Lonely
Days.” Talisman in their album “Humanimal”
may know just how widespread this epidemic
of desertion and abandonment is when they
rock on about our “Lonely World.” How about
beautiful Janet Jackson? Even her? With all
her money and talent? Lonely? Apparently so.
She pours her heart and soul out on one
song, proclaiming “I Get So Lonely Tonight.”
Maybe after all these descriptions, you’re “Sick
of Being Lonely.” Surprise! That’s the name of
one of Field Mob’s greatest hits!
Why do I dwell so much on this one lonely
topic? Aren’t there other issues that face
mankind besides this single, solitary struggle
I speak of? Of course, but this is a biggie. How
big? Mother Theresa was asked toward the
end of her life of sacrifice and service, “What is
the greatest human tragedy?” Expecting her to
say “poverty” or “disease” or “lack of love”, she
quietly uttered one word: “Loneliness.”
Loneliness? How could anyone be lonely with
a world of almost 6.2 billion people
surrounding us night and day? Even though
6,279 people die each hour, 15,020 are
being added. Hey, let’s party! That nets out to
8,741 new friends every single hour!
Loneliness seems like the last emotion we
would experience with a wall-to-wall world of
6.2 billion people. The reason, of course, is
because we’ve all put walls up. Two-way walls
that keep everyone out and keep us in; safe
and toasty and . . . lonely.
In my short life, I’ve come to realize that many
times the most lonely people are the ones that
seem to have it all. Maybe they got to the top of
the ladder and realized all the trappings of this
life didn’t really satisfy them like they thought
they would. The rest of us are still in the
elusive search for fame, wealth and
happiness. Will we be disappointed too if and
when we achieve our dreams of a “perfect
life”?
Many of today’s college students are
determined to defy the odds. Deep down they
might suspect that money doesn’t bring
happiness, but why not give it a try? In fact, a
whopping 52 percent of students think they’ll
be millionaires before they reach the
age of 40! Another 19 percent think it will
happen after age 40, while almost a third of
students (29 percent) have already given up
hope it will ever happen. These statistics are
taken from UCLA’s annual survey of hundreds
of thousands of entering freshmen each year
across the country. The polling also revealed
what percentage of those surveyed thought
one of the objectives listed below was “very
important” to them:
1. Being very well off financially
73.4%
2. Raising a family 73.1%
3. Helping others 61.7%
4. Owning a successful business 39.3%
5. Cleaning up the environment
17.5%
It appears that most college students’ (and
probably most Americans) highest
achievement in life is to be “very well off
financially.” Maybe money will buy us friends
and friends will buy us happiness. Besides,
doesn’t Proverbs 19:4 teach us that “wealth
brings many friends, but a poor man's friend
deserts him.” But will lots of cold hard cash
drive away the gnawing emptiness in our
souls? Will the vacuum be filled when we’ve
acquired all the comforts and conveniences
we’ve always fantasized about? In my day it
was summed up in the bumper sticker that
read, “He who dies with the most toys wins.” If
the acquiring of material things beyond our
wildest dreams doesn’t defeat loneliness,
then what does?
Hey, enough questions, statistics, and Bible
verses. Let’s get back to the tunes! Certainly, a
rock and roll history lesson from “The King”
would come in handy right now. Let me pump
up the volume so we can listen in on
“Heartbreak Hotel” by Elvis Presley.
Well, since my baby left me,
I found a new place to dwell.
It's down at the end of Lonely Street
at Heartbreak Hotel.
You make me so lonely baby,
I get so lonely,
I get so lonely I could die.
And although it's always crowded,
you still can find some room.
Where broken hearted lovers
do cry away their gloom.
You make me so lonely baby,
I get so lonely,
I get so lonely I could die.
Hey now, if your baby leaves you,
and you got a tale to tell.
Just take a walk down Lonely Street
to Heartbreak Hotel.
Only six weeks before the death of Elvis
Presley a reporter asked, “Mr. Presley, you
said earlier in your life that you wanted to
obtain wealth, fame, and happiness. Did
you?” The king glanced at him and wistfully
looked away and said, “The first two, yes. But
the last? I’m lonely.” How could that be? He
was surrounded by waves of adoring fans
wherever he went. He could have anything or
anyone he wanted. The same with Ernest
Hemingway, Marilyn Monroe, even Kurt
Cobain. They all sought and gained money,
pleasure, even legend status from this world
─ but it didn’t satisfy them. All three, like
Elvis, took their own life. What could be the
source of their loneliness? For them
contentment turned out to be like a mirage in
the desert, ever searching for something they
would never attain.
The fourth (and final) song I’ll pull quotes from
is a sad ballad that Elvis sang to his
swooning fans entitled “Are You Lonesome
Tonight?” Join with me as I sway to the sweet
melody of his soothing voice. . . .
Are you lonesome tonight?
Do the chairs in your parlor seem empty and
bare?
Is your heart filled with pain?
The world’s a stage and each must play a
part.
Now the stage is bare, and I’m standing there,
with emptiness all around.
If you won’t come back to me, then they can
bring the curtain down.
Sure enough, at age 42, this heartthrob of
America, from little Tupelo, Miss., was dead.
Instead of allowing his Creator to “bring the
curtain down” he chose to end the play
himself. His pain had driven him from
loneliness to depression and finally to death.
Dr. Frank Minirth, a psychologist and author
that was also a seminary professor of mine,
spent years studying people who were
struggling with loneliness and depression. He
claimed the two were tied together, and as a
result, gave us a definition of depression as
simply “a lack of intimacy with God and/or
others.” I think he’s right. You see, at one point
in my life, I was incredibly depressed. I was
under tremendous stress, but it wasn’t the
anxiety that pulled me under. It was the fact
that I didn’t have anyone to share my pain with.
I was lonely. And loneliness many times leads
to depression.
I’m wondering. Are you lonely tonight? If you
are, it could be because of:
Lack of intimacy with God and/or
Lack of intimacy with others.
The opposite of loneliness is intimacy. The
solution to loneliness is intimacy.
Intimacy through a personal
relationship with Jesus Christ.
Intimacy through personal relationships with
others.
A wealthy lawyer confronted Jesus, quizzing
him as to what the greatest commandment
was. You know what Jesus said: “Love the
Lord your God with all your heart and with all
your soul and with all your mind. This is the
first and greatest commandment. And the
second is like it: Love your neighbor as
yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on
these two commandments.” (Matthew
22:37-39)
Breaking down the walls, opening up our
hearts, and taking the risk to love is the first
step to intimacy. Seeking to love the Lord and
those around us takes the focus off of
ourselves. Loneliness and depression is all
about us. Unconditionally loving God and
others doesn’t leave time or energy for pity
parties.
One person who modeled the Great
Commandments to me went to be with his
Great Commander this past summer. Spike
White was the grand patriarch of Kanakuk, the
world’s largest camp, nestled around the
waterways of southern Missouri. He laid down
his life for thousands of kids, parents, and
counselors for almost 50 years. There wasn’t
a selfish, “me-centered” bone in his body.
Spike lived out the famous talk he would give
every term to every camper entitled “God First,
Others Second, and I’m Third.”
Yea, I’m sure Spike heard Orbison and
Presley sing the blues of “Only the Lonely”,
“Pretty Woman”, “Heartbreak Hotel”, and “Are
You Lonesome Tonight?”, but he was too
busy following Christ by reaching out to “the
lonely” of this world to worry about who loved
him and who didn’t. Spike wouldn’t allow a big
funeral service where myriads would gather to
say nice things about him. Instead, he simply
wanted his wife, sons, grandchildren,
great-grandchildren and thousands like me to
carry on his legacy of love.
Wrinkled up, sparkly eyed, work horse of a
man, Spike White was a happy, fulfilled child
of God even though he didn’t care a whit about
obtaining riches or reputation. Instead, he
chose a higher calling and understood that
loneliness is simply a by product of ignoring
intimacy and pursuing the wrong things in life.
How about you? Are you lonely tonight?
Loneliness can end and intimacy begin for
you — right now. Forget about yourself, start
pouring your heart, soul, and mind into loving
God and those people He has placed around
you. Your life will be so full, there will be no
time to sing the blues. You’ll just have to leave
that for Roy, Elvis, and “only the lonely.” 
Copyright © 2003 Steve Shadrach. All rights
reserved. International copyright secured.
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