DEAR BOUNDLESS ANSWERS

Tomorrow I turn 23, and cannot with any sense of honesty in my heart call myself a man. Manhood to me is far more than physical maturity — can any one of us see my generation as "being an example to the believers" with our youth (1 Tim. 4:12)?

As for me, I have spoken with half a dozen pastors, all misunderstanding me in thinking I am asking for counseling, whereas I would just like to know what godly manhood and an expression of Christ as a man looks like. Godly men in my congregation have neither the time nor the will to take me under their wing either. DISCIPLESHIP is needed ... and I have no idea where to start as you can only go so far reading the Bible and praying.

Unfortunately with the confusing messages in our culture, and the lack of a clear, distinctive voice from the Church, I am NOT unsure of my role but AM unsure if I am even capable of fulfilling it yet. You (Boundless) and Mohler and the Bible define the WHAT nicely ... the HOW is what I'm after.

REPLY

It so happens that last night I took part in a passage ceremony for a friend's son, who turned 16 yesterday. His dad asked me and another mutual friend to join him in helping to mark this moment in his son's life. So my mind is fresh on the topic.

Defining and defending Biblical manhood has rightly been all the rage over the past couple of decades and much has been written and said about the need to return to it. I've benefited greatly from the conversation and even contributed a bit to it. I've especially appreciated the work of the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood in addressing some very critical issues on the subject.

I know you're frustrated and I think I know why. The thing you need to understand about biblical manhood is that a male does not check off a manly to-do list (get a well-paying job, buy a house, get married, raise some kids, teach Sunday school), and once accomplished "becomes" a "man." Rather, a male is always "becoming" a man. I know we're getting a little philosophical, but stick with me.

In the very same way that we (hopefully) mature as Christians over an entire lifetime, we males should continually be maturing into biblical manhood. At 23, you're not so much on a journey to manhood as if it were some "X-marks-the-spot" destination on a treasure map. You're on a journey of manhood.

I'm 20 years your senior and the same applies to me. Every day I hope to make progress on the journey of biblical manhood, but like you, I can't say I've arrived. I am, as it were, always arriving. Biblical manhood is both being and becoming.

Ideally, the journey itself makes us better and more biblical men. If I had waited until I had "attained" biblical manhood before I pursued a woman in marriage, I'd still be waiting. The pursuit itself, and marriage, and parenting, and pursuing an income, and pursuing an education, and many other life experiences were and are both my being a biblical man and contributing to my becoming a more biblical man.

So what exactly is this journey turning me into, or what am I being and becoming as a biblical man? I've thought long and hard about this question. I realize there are as many answers and opinions as there are people to give them, but if I had to boil it down I would say the very core of biblical manhood is the pursuit and experience of God Himself.

And therein lies what I believe to be a man's two greatest challenges and obstacles to biblical manhood: passivity and pride.

A man quickly discovers that the authentic pursuit of the triune God will take effort, not just daily, but breath by breath. I will quickly add that God gives the grace for that effort so that ultimately we cannot take credit for it, but we must act on that grace. He calls us and gives us the grace to answer.

Men are pretty good about dealing in large volumes of Christian information. We like God's statistics. We're not so sure about going after His heart. Where we seem to get lost is in the actual pursuit of the person of God, of intimacy with God. You don't see many modern-day "Davids" writing passionate praise poems to their heavenly Father. We're much more comfortable collecting and arranging and rearranging the information.

I think we're passive about pursuing God Himself because we know it will eventually require a breaking of our pride, and for the man, pride is king. As long as we're just gathering facts and information about God, we can keep Him at a safe distance. When we pull in close to Christ is when we feel the coal being put to our pride. Better to be passive, we reason, than to be broken.

I call it courageous humility, and biblical manhood absolutely demands that we go there.

And how do I get "there"? How do I get a desire for the person of God that is greater than any other desire? I turn off the T.V. I unplug the video game. I put this computer to sleep. I go into my closet and close the door. And I beg God for a passion for Him like I were pleading for oxygen. I'm not talking about "now I lay me down to sleep." I'm talking about pounding the floor for more of Him in my life. And I do it every day. Over time I experience the unspeakable thrill of the being, and becoming, a biblical man.

Blessings,
JOHN THOMAS

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