DEAR BOUNDLESS ANSWERS

Tomorrow I turn 23, and cannot with any sense of honesty in my heart call myself a man. Manhood to me is far more than physical maturity — can any one of us see my generation as "being an example to the believers" with our youth (1 Tim. 4:12)?

As for me, I have spoken with half a dozen pastors, all misunderstanding me in thinking I am asking for counseling, whereas I would just like to know what godly manhood and an expression of Christ as a man looks like. Godly men in my congregation have neither the time nor the will to take me under their wing either. DISCIPLESHIP is needed ... and I have no idea where to start as you can only go so far reading the Bible and praying.

Unfortunately with the confusing messages in our culture, and the lack of a clear, distinctive voice from the Church, I am NOT unsure of my role but AM unsure if I am even capable of fulfilling it yet. You (Boundless) and Mohler and the Bible define the WHAT nicely ... the HOW is what I'm after.

REPLY

If I may, I'd like to return to this writer's question for one more entry. After thinking and praying about this question more over the past couple of weeks, I felt like I needed to provide a little more clarity on the subject.

In my previous entry I tried to make the case that biblical manhood is not something a man "attains" like a diploma after four years of study at the university; rather, it's a lifelong journey of being and becoming. I purposely steered away from making a "to-do" list of manly things that, once accomplished, earns one the coveted Biblical Manhood Badge. Yes, godly men "do" certain things, and we could list a thousand of those things. But to then reason that doing those things makes one a godly man, is a huge, huge mistake.

I've known plenty of men whose behavior is highly moral for the most part, whose church attendance is fairly regular, who treat women with love and respect, and might even cook the pancakes for the men's prayer breakfast, but there's not a spark of godly life in them. There's no passion for Jesus, no orientation around the glory of God, no thought of walking in the Spirit. They're just moral men who do Christian activities. If you asked them how they've connected with God that week or how they have felt the leadership of His Spirit on this or that work project or in their roles as husbands or fathers, they wouldn't have a clue. I know this because I've been that man, and in more moments than I care to admit, I am that man.

On the other hand, you can find a man who reads his Bible, serves, attends church, and cooks pancakes right alongside the other guy and reflects the glory of God in every flip of the pancake. That's the godly one.

So if doing the list is not the difference, what is? The difference is the heart, plain and simple. God looks at the heart. At its core, godly manhood (and womanhood for that matter) is an issue of the heart. We need not run on to our list of things to do, until we have planted a flag right here and set up camp for a long time.

So here is my definition of biblical manhood as simply as I can put it: Biblical manhood is the state or condition of a man who is making progress in pursuing and knowing God Himself (as opposed to merely accumulating facts about God — the facts must at some point lead to a fire in the heart for the Person of God), and who values these above all else.

A godly man is a man who is after the heart of God, who longs for God, and whose own heart belongs to God. This is much more than "I gave my heart to Jesus" when I was 12 years old at summer camp. This is a moment-by-moment giving over of our heart, our self, to the Father, to Jesus, to the Holy Spirit, with a hope, a desire, a passion for His glory to be reflected in all we think and do. A godly man knows God, so much so that he can say, Oh God, you are my God. That, in a nutshell, is godly manhood.

Which of course begs the question: So how do I have a heart after God's heart? I think it starts right where you are — with desire (God given, I believe). In fact, I remember having only desire when I eked out this prayer, "God, I want to be a man after your heart, but to be honest, I don't have any passion for You right now at all. Please give me that passion." That simple prayer was the beginning of an amazing journey into the heart of God that continues today. What it has helped me realize is that a godly man is not made by a list, rather he is forged in the crucible of everyday life, where all the events and relationships of which he is a part are being used by God to draw the man into a greater intimacy with Him.

And it is in the crucible where I find God, because I am looking for Him; my senses are "awakened," as it were, to Him. When I am looking for Him, the Scriptures come alive, illuminated by His Spirit; prayer becomes a lifeline of conversation with the Holy One, and on my really good days I find myself like Paul, willing to give up all my religious pedigree simply to know Christ more fully.

Yes, there are a thousand practical things godly men should do, and some are of greater importance than others. We should study the scriptures. We should pay our bills on time. We should open doors for women. We should actively pursue godly relationships. We should serve. We should mentor someone and be mentored by someone. We should disciple and be discipled. We should read good books on biblical manhood.

I do all of these things and more. But if in doing them I have no greater love for Christ, no growing passion for the glory of God to be revealed through my life, no sense of a greater connection with the Spirit of God in my life, no deeper intimacy with the Father, then somewhere I have missed the point, and I need to go back to square one. You can't start at the fruit and work backwards. Fruit is borne out of abiding. This prayer I read long ago from A.W. Tozer is a great place to start:

"O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, that so I may know Thee indeed."

That kind of heart, if it is sincere, will not be ignored by God.

Blessings,
JOHN THOMAS

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If you have a question you'd like John to consider for this column, please send it to editor@boundless.org. Please note that all questions selected for "Boundless Answers" may be edited for clarity and privacy and become the property of Focus on the Family.