DEAR BOUNDLESS ANSWERS
Can you point me to a few verses in the Bible that talk about what God says about love? The reason I ask is because I like my best guy friend (which he knows), but I don't know how he feels about that. We always hang out and I want to ask him if he feels the same way.
REPLY
Whew, that's a tall order given that the overarching theme of the whole Bible is love. It would be impossible to cram all that God says about love into this short column. I will, however, suggest a few passages for study:
As to your question about asking your male friend how he feels about you, I think that's a whole different issue. Thankfully, it's one we've talked about before, with lots of good articles to help you in your dilemma. For starters, I'd recommend a verse: 1 Timothy 5:1-2 says, "Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity." That's a great starting point for how to relate to a man you've fallen for. It's also a standard for judging how he treats you. If you each approach the other as a "sibling" in Christ, there's less room for misunderstanding and heartache.
Now for those practical what-to-do-in-your-situation articles:
I'd suggest starting with "What Can a Girl Do?" It quickly answers seven questions related to your situation including, "What does a girl do when she likes someone?" "How does a girl gracefully let a guy friend know she's interested and would like him to pursue her?" and "How should a woman let a man know she's interested without being too aggressive?"
For more in-depth help, especially if the lines in your relationship are blurry, read, "How to Get Clarity in Your Relationship."
You're right; at its core this is an issue of how you'll love your friend. But the love God calls us to is a lot different than what you'll see on TV, in movies and in the culture around us. I pray God will give you wisdom and discernment to know the difference.
Sincerely,
CANDICE WATTERS
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DEAR BOUNDLESS ANSWERS
My friends and I were reading your blogs, "Pulling a Ruth" (Part 1
and Part 2) and "Ruth Revisited", and we had a question for you and Steve. We were so intrigued by your story, we were wondering, has Steve ever written his side of the story, or his thoughts while all of this was going on? If so, we would love to hear all about it, and if not, we all would encourage him to. Can't wait to read your next blogs.
REPLY
You're in luck — Steve did just that a few years back. The article is called "Taking a Relationship from Good to Great."
Thanks for asking,
CANDICE WATTERS
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DEAR BOUNDLESS ANSWERS
A man and I "met" through a mutual acquaintance three years ago on her Christian blog. Since that time he and I have exchanged the occasional e-mail. We've never met in person. Over the past several weeks we have begun exchanging e-mail more frequently and have even chatted online for extended periods of time. He has mentioned three times that we should meet face to face, which I am open to, but the invitation was open-ended.
My company is sending me on a business trip, and wouldn't you know it, I am traveling to his city. I mentioned it to him nearly two weeks ago (to see if he would step up and ask to see me at a specific time and location) and he said we should make definite plans closer to the date. The date has come. Two weeks ago we were exchanging e-mails back and forth talking about a host of subjects and now for the last week I have not heard anything.
I am writing because I feel I should not be the one to propose meeting up. It is his city and he is the man. Not a single one of my friends agrees with me on this. I feel pretty staunchly that as the man he should come up with a game plan and I would then be able to accept or turn down the invitation. My friends tell me he has asked to see me enough times and since I never jumped on it he thinks I am not interested. I think he left it open ended for me to do the work. I also think that since I am leaving on my trip in three days his window for inviting me is starting to close. I have other friends there who have made a point to make plans with me. I could certainly make time for him, but I don't want to seem too eager, nor reward him for his lack of consideration on my part. What do you think?
REPLY
I think you're right and your friends (who I'm sure are normally fonts of wisdom) are (sadly, in this one instance) wrong. There are several reasons not to push for a meeting including setting the precedent that you're the take-charge one in the relationship and the possibility that an alone meeting would be less than secure. (I'm just never a fan of one-on-one dates when it's the first time you're meeting after an online connection.)
Since you've never met in person and this potential meeting would take place far away from your home turf that the best scenario would be to meet him along with other people you already know. Go ahead and make plans with them and then if he does come around and ask you out, let him know that you were hoping he would and that you'd like to suggest meeting for the first time in a group setting. Return his invitation with one of your own: to join the group. He may resist. If so, let him know that since you hadn't heard anything and your trip was fast approaching, rather than usurp his role as the initiator, you figured, based on his silence, that he didn't want to get together and so you made other plans. Then reassure him that you're so glad he did initiate and express how much you'd like for him to join you in your outing with friends. It's a completely honest answer, as well as affirming of his masculinity and leadership.
And don't forget the issue of safety and prudence. Since you've never met him before, you're much better off if your first outing is "chaperoned" with friends. It will give you cover if you need it (be it an awkward start, an uncomfortable situation or even, heaven forbid, a compromising one).
I hope you have a good trip and a promising meeting.
Blessings,
CANDICE WATTERS
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If you have a question you'd like Candice to consider for this column, please send it to editor@boundless.org. Please note, all questions that are selected for "Boundless Answers" may be edited for clarity and privacy and become the property of Focus on the Family.
