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The most important story in Washington these past few months
isn't the debate over the filibustering of judicial nominees. Nor is
it the ongoing battle over who will be our next ambassador to
the United Nations. The most important story, at least for the
folks who live here, is the long-overdue return of Major League
Baseball to the Nation's Capitol. The Nationals -- "Nats" to their
fans -- have, in less than two months, provided Washingtonians
with plenty of reasons to cheer, smile, cry and just plain feel
good.
I know because I'm a Nats season-ticket holder. My Nats
moment happened a few Sundays ago. My son David and I were
returning home on the Metro, Washington's subway system. His
head was resting on my shoulder and I must have had an odd
look on my face because David asked me, "are you okay, Dad?"
As a matter of fact, I was more than okay: I was content.
Not only because the game I've loved all my life was now playing
at a ballpark near me but because of who was with me at the
ballpark. Moments like that one reminded me that however hard
it was being David's dad, it was worth it and then some. In fact, I
don't think I would change a thing.
Just as marriage holds out the possibility that one plus one can equal more than two, fatherhood can transform the lives of both fathers and their kids in ways they can't foresee.
This bond is what the creators of Father's Day (no, it wasn't
Hallmark) had in mind. We think of Father's Day as a day to
honor and remember our fathers, but the original intent had
more to do with turning men into good fathers. When
Calvin Coolidge proclaimed the first national Father's Day in
1924, he said the purpose of the holiday was to "establish more
intimate relations between fathers and their children and to
impress upon fathers the full measure of obligations."
Silent Cal's proclamation anticipated (by seventy years!) the
1990s arguments over the effects of fatherlessness -- whether
through divorce or out-of-wedlock births -- on children. At this
point, it requires a kind of perversity to deny that fathers who do
not meet "the full measure of obligations," both financial and
emotional, towards their children are putting their kids' well-
being at risk.
Still, something is missing here: a sense that being a good father
is, well, good for the father. The arguments, with their nearly-
exclusive emphasis on the kids' well-being, remind me of the
explanation offered by evolutionary psychologists and other
Darwinians for why the males of some species -- such as
humans -- don't abandon the mother after impregnating her. By
"cooperating" with the female and caring for his children, they
hold, the male assures that his progeny reach adulthood and,
thus, spread his genes to another generation.
I doubt that even the most convinced Darwinian thinks that way
about his own children. I know that neither my friends nor I
think the only ones who benefit in their relationship with their
children are the kids. We've learned that just as marriage holds
out the possibility that one plus one can equal more than two,
fatherhood can transform the lives of both fathers and their kids
in ways they can't foresee. It's certainly true for me. Being
David's father has made me a better man and a better Christian
than I could have been otherwise. The lessons I've learned from
my son are lessons I doubt I would have learned from anyone
else.
For instance, like many people I've struggled with the idea of
calling. As it was originally articulated by Martin Luther and
other magisterial reformers, calling affirmed the dignity and
worth of the work done by ordinary people. Luther went so far
as to say that "household chores are more to be valued than all
the works of monks and nuns." Yet over time, calling ceased
being a way of affirming the value of our work, no matter what it
might be, and, instead became what it had been intended to
replace: a way of elevating some vocations and professions over
others. Only this time, instead of a simple division between the
clergy and the laity, the value of work became a function of its
prestige, remuneration or its impact on those around us. Work
ceased being a means to an end -- providing for your family --
and became an end in itself.
Christians aren't immune to this thinking. While prestige and pay
don't figure as prominently in their vocational calculus, that only
leaves more room for impact. Countless Christian are urged to
-- in a phrase that Luther would have responded to with a pork
loin upside the head -- "do something great for God." The
"something" historically meant a full-time ministry of sorts.
More recently, "something" has expanded to include politics,
public policy and other culture-shaping endeavors. In all of
these, the value of our work lies in its impact on people you
haven't met and probably never will.
I wasn't immune to this kind of thinking. Not by a long shot. But
being a father has helped me realize that our calling begins with
the people you see everyday. In my case, that means David. God
has entrusted me with the care and nurture of someone He loves
very much. On this side of eternity, I am standing in for the
"Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is
named" (Ephesians 3:15). Everything I do and every decision I
make starts from this knowledge.
This doesn't give my work less meaning; it gives it more.
Instead of expecting work to provide me with significance
and satisfaction that it probably can't, being a father makes
work part of a satisfying and definitely significant whole. Work,
instead of being a quest for affirmation, becomes an act of love
-- something you do for others.
I like to think I would have learned these lessons even if David
weren't autistic. I'll never know. What do I know is that, as I said
earlier, I wouldn't change a thing, at least not for my sake. I'm
not saying that being a father is easy. Far from it. I'm saying that
all the work is definitely worth it. My strivings, which managed
to leave me both exhausted and restless, are being
replaced by the satisfaction that comes from knowing you're
doing what you're supposed to be doing. It's the kind of
satisfaction that can turn the Metro into a slice of Heaven.
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