I have two girl friends whom I met only a week ago. They claim to be Christian, and I believe them — I know for a fact that they attend and are active at church. My problem lies in the fact that they do not behave or talk in Christian and godly ways. I am often left feeling very uncomfortable around them because their behavior is at odds with mine. They know I see things differently, and they know what they do bothers me, but I try my best to be polite and kind. Would I be a snob to discontinue my friendship with them because of how I feel about their behavior? Should I even consider not being their friend?

Reply

It's all right to drop one-week acquaintances who make you uncomfortable. If they had been long-time friends, some explanation might be necessary, but that's not the case. You don't have to make an announcement; you just avoid seeing them socially. Of course, we all struggle with temptation to sin, so it would certainly be hypocritical if we insisted on associating only with perfect people. However, that doesn't mean that you have to put up with anything from anybody. There is no obligation to continue in that special relationship called "friends."

Breaking up confuses a lot of young Christians, because Christian social life is based on love — and isn't love supposed to be forever? It all depends on which kind of love you mean. Some loves are forever: God's love for His people, the love of His people for Him and their brotherly love for each other. Some loves are less than forever, but still lifelong: Kinship, marriage and a few other relationships, usually based on vows.

But most bonds aren't like that. Business partners, whose relationship is based on profit, don't have to do business until death. Roommates, whose relationship is based on convenience, don't have to share rent until death. What is your relationship with the two girls? I'd call it being pals — the kind of friendship based on mutual liking. But it isn't a sin to stop liking.

One thing to remember: Even if you do stop having friend-love for someone, you have to go on having neighbor-love. You have to continue being honest, fair and kind to him; you have to continue desiring good for him and you have to keep from seeking revenge or spreading gossip. Even if he acts like a rat! By divine standards, we're all pretty ratty. That's why we need God's mercy.

Grace and peace,
PROFESSOR THEOPHILUS

HAVING ONE'S CAKE AND EATING IT TOO

Dear Professor Theophilus:

Before I devoted my life to Christ at the age of 18, I was wrapped up in pornography. Now, two years later, I'm dating a wonderfully strong Christian girl, and I'm thrilled about it. Here's my dilemma: She doesn't know that I was ever involved with porn, and in the course of our conversations she's mentioned that she would never consider marrying anyone who has been, because that kind of past greatly increases the risk of infidelity and divorce.

I want her to marry me. Do I tell her? How do I tell her? And is there a way I can have my cake and eat it too?

Reply

This will hurt.

There is no way to know what the young woman will do. But it's clear what you must do.

No marriage can be built on a lie; therefore, you must tell her the truth, and accept her decision whatever it is. No marriage can be built on lack of trust; therefore, you must trust her with that truth, even knowing that afterward she may no longer trust you in return. No marriage can be built on manipulation; therefore, no matter how sure you are that you've changed, you must let her decide for herself whether to believe that you have.

How do you tell her? You just do it.

You will be sorely tempted to do the wrong thing: To conceal, to manipulate, to argue, to accuse, to speak in hurt. Do the right thing, and lean on Christ for strength. Offer your fear to Him, to be united with His suffering on the Cross. Remember too that once you tell her, you've told her. It will have been done. The matter will no longer be in your hands. At least that burden will be gone.

Who knows: She might accept you. If she accepts you, bless the name of God. If she rejects you, bless His name anyway, because in all things He works for our good.

And if your past has been repented and confessed, don't beat yourself up about it; Christ forgives. "A broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise."

May God bless you for having the courage to write your letter, for I think you knew what I would say. I'll pray for you.

Grace and peace,
PROFESSOR THEOPHILUS

ARE RAZORS BORN SHARP?

Dear Professor Theophilus:

I'm frustrated. Recently I finished reading a book about how postmodernism and secularism are affecting our culture. My frustration lies in the fact that I lack the abilities and tools to deal with such ideologies from a Christian perspective.

I'm a pediatric nurse. I also have a B.A. in English Literature. Neither degree really prepares me, as a Christian, to engage the secular culture in depth. I've considered the programs in Christian philosophical apologetics that several schools offer, but I find them lacking. All I want is to learn to think well, deeply, critically and like Christ. But I have a practical mind, and I wouldn't really fit into such an abstract course of study. For some reason, it seems to me that law school would be good training to think well. Would you agree?

Recently I skimmed an article in which you called someone a "razor-sharp Christian intellectual." How would you advise someone else who wishes to become a "razor-sharp Christian intellectual"? Is that possible outside of the academy? Can a person learn to engage the surrounding culture effectively? Or is the ability simply God-given?

Reply

Yes, I have some suggestions. I don't advise getting another professional degree unless you are contemplating a change of profession; they aren't called "professional" degrees for nothing. You can cultivate a Christian mind without such a radical diversion of time and finances from other worthwhile activities. Of course, if you already live close to a Christian school that offers a graduate program in something like apologetics, then you might want to take a course or two (if the school allows non-degree students to do so), but I see no value in piling up degrees for their own sake.

You should also know that law school wouldn't be good training for what you want to learn. Law schools are trade schools for lawyers; their first concern is to teach their students to practice the craft of law, and their first concern in the practice of law is winning the case — not necessarily finding the truth. Another difficulty with law school is that contemporary legal culture has been corrupted by anti-Christian secular ideologies. Some Christian lawyers are fighting to reform the legal culture. If you thought God might be calling you to this particular front in the culture wars, I'd advise you to get in touch with the Blackstone Legal Fellowship. But the fact remains that the only good reason for going to law school is that you need specialized legal training, and you don't.

It sounds like your present need isn't to think like a scholar, much less like a lawyer, but just to think clearly. This you can certainly learn to do, and I strongly encourage you. Now for some practical tips.

First tip: Learn how to frame logical arguments as well as how to spot the ordinary kinds of fallacies. There are lots of good books on practical logic, but for starters, you might read the appendix on elementary reasoning in my book Written on the Heart: The Case for Natural Law. Your local college library probably carries the book.

Second tip: The best way to begin learning how to counteract error is to get your feet planted in the truth. There is a parallel in your own profession, pediatric nursing: If you don't understand what health is, you can't cure sickness. Put most of your energy into good, intellectually sound Christian reading rather than on piling up books about the various kinds of craziness.

Final tip: The best approach to Christian reading is to begin with a few trustworthy Christian authors and strike out gradually from there — rather than reading everything you can, becoming overwhelmed and absorbing nothing. I've mentioned several such writers often, especially C.S. Lewis and G.K. Chesterton. I also second Lewis's own advice: As you go along, for every contemporary work you read, read three or four tried-and-true classics from Christian tradition.

Grace and peace,
PROFESSOR THEOPHILUS

WHEELS WITHIN WHEELS

Dear Professor Theophilus:

I've been struggling with faith versus reason — and whether I ought to say versus! In How to Stay Christian in College, you criticize the common idea that faith hinders the search for truth because it gets in the way of reasoning. According to you, reasoning itself depends on a kind of faith, because the only way to prove that reasoning isn't hogwash would be to reason about it, and any such argument would be circular. It would take on trust the reliability of the very thing it was trying to prove reliable. For this and other reasons you conclude that it makes no sense to ask whether to have faith. "The only real question is which kind of faith to have. The wrong kind will hinder the search for truth — but the right kind will help."

My question is how do you choose which kind of faith to have? If reason itself requires a kind of faith, then are we choosing our faith based on the faith that we have yet to choose? Is there more than one type of faith, possibly? What can I do with these seeming circularities?

Reply

The circles do stop spinning. All reasoning must assume "first principles," self-evident principles which we accept not because we can prove them but because they are "known in themselves." Would you like examples? A first principle of arithmetic is that equals added to equals are equal. A first principle of what to do is that good is to be done and evil avoided. A first principle of logic is that no proposition can be both true and false in the same sense at the same time.

You can't prove such things, but you can't meaningfully deny them either, because you have to make use of them even to argue that they aren't true. Confronted with this fact, there are two ways to respond. You can deny them anyway, but in that way lies madness. Or you can believe them. That's an act of faith, in the special sense that it isn't based on proof. But in a sane view of reasoning, it is a reasonable act of faith — an act of faith that is necessary for reasoning itself. If knowledge is what it is sane to believe, then it is also knowledge.

Faith decisions are involved in everyday experience too — not only in our relationship with God, but even in human relationships. How does a young man decide about a young woman, "This is the one?" If he is wise, he will carefully consider everything he knows about her — her character, her conduct, her commitments — before committing his faith to her. If he does all that, then his faith in her is reasonable. Yet isn't there something in that faith that goes beyond what proofs can tell him? Of course there is. Reason says "So far as I can tell, this woman is true," but it can't prove that she is. Really trusting her — staking his life and future on her trustworthiness — is more than proving a theorem. Nevertheless the young man is justified in trusting her, and even in saying "I know her."

If that analogy doesn't help, try this one. You're standing at the window of a burning house. The fireman calls out, "Jump! I'm holding the net, and I'll catch you!" But alas! Your eyes are stinging with smoke and dazzled by the glare of the flames. You cry out, "I can't see you! I'm afraid! I can't jump!" He calls back, "It doesn't matter whether you can see me! I see you! Trust me, and jump!" Would jumping be reasonable? Of course. But does knowing this make jumping easy? Does it spare you the necessity of trust? Of course not. Reason can point you in the right direction, but faith is still a leap — in this case, literally.

So it is with our faith in God. Nothing in Christian faith is contrary to reason; in fact, faith is eminently reasonable, because the world makes more sense if the Christian faith is true than if it isn't. Rationally, Christianity beats atheism hands down. Yet we still don't know everything, do we? We can't see God any more than you can see that fireman with the smoke in your eyes. So there is something more even to reasonable faith than reason alone.

I've given examples of rational faith. Unfortunately, you're right: There is such a thing as irrational faith — and there is such a thing as irrational refusal of faith. In the first example, the young man might place his faith in a young woman of bad character, against his better judgment. People do that sort of thing all the time. In the second example, you might not make the leap of faith into the fireman's net, even though it is the reasonable thing to do. Refusing faith, you burn with the house, and you perish.

Your letter sat in the Ask Theophilus mailbox for quite a while before I finally got around to answering it. To make up for making you wait so long, let me give you a bonus — an answer to a question you didn't ask. Think about the young man and young woman in the first example again. This time, suppose the young man said "I refuse faith. I refuse to say that I know anything at all unless I have proof. I won't give myself to my beloved unless I can actually see her heart."

That attitude is crazy for a lot of reasons, but the craziest thing about it is this: By refusing faith he is cutting himself off from the very knowledge he demands. True, there are some things that he has to know before his trust in the young woman can be reasonable. But it's also true that until he trusts her, there are some things about her that he can never know. Trust transforms the relationship, making possible certain forms of personal knowledge that would have been impossible without it.

In this sense, too, faith is reasonable — and this too is true of our relationship with God. That's why the great Christian writer Anselm wrote "Credo ut intelligam," which doesn't mean "I come to know, in order that I may believe," but instead means "I believe, in order that I may come to know."

One day we will see God face to face, and then there will be no need for faith. Then we will know, even as we are known. In the meantime, faith is an utter necessity.

Grace and peace,
PROFESSOR THEOPHILUS

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If you have a question you'd like Professor Theophilus to consider for this column, please send it to asktheo@trueu.org. Please note, all questions that are selected for "Ask Theophilus" may be edited for clarity and privacy and become the property of Focus on the Family.