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Editor's note: This article does not constitute an
endorsement of The Last Kiss. For a full review of
the film, visit our sister site, PluggedIn.
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Last week I went to see "The Last Kiss." The plot intrigued
me: An unmarried man grapples with turning 30. Many of my
friends are in this same boat (or quickly approaching it), so I
guessed the story would be insightful.
In the film, Michael, a 29-year-old architect, finds himself
exactly where he planned to be by 30 — successful in his
career, in love with his beautiful girlfriend of three years and ...
anticipating the arrival of a baby. With this unexpected
development, Michael is thrown into uncertainty. Attempting to
reassure himself, he half-heartedly concedes of his girlfriend,
Jenna: "If you have to settle down — if you have to have
the baby — this is the girl to do it with."
On the brink of commitment, Michael panics. Viewing his
three best friends — one trapped in a demoralizing
marriage, another recently dumped and devastated and a third
living it up with multiple sexual partners — Michael is
terrified that his exciting life is grinding to a halt. He has
stepped on the human conveyor belt where each step is planned
and nothing surprising will ever happen again.
With this discovery fresh on his mind, Michael is drawn to a
beautiful and vivacious younger woman. He allows himself to
become involved with her, risking everything he has built with
Jenna. The resulting chain of events is painful to watch.
Alternate Reality
I can't recommend this movie because of liberal sexual
content and profanity, but its message both resonated with me
and troubled me deeply. Most twenty-something singles I know,
particularly men, seem to be grappling with this same premature
mid-life crisis. Marriage and family seem inevitable but not
enviable.
A major contributing factor to later and fewer marriages is a
lack of motivation. Many in our generation have been witnesses
to their parents' divorces. Others have watched moms and dads
endure loveless, stifling or bitter marriages. As one friend told
me, regarding his parents' recent divorce, "They probably
shouldn't have married in the first place."
Television and movies compound the problem, portraying
marriage as boring, enslaving, difficult and dreary. No wonder
our generation is marriage-resistant. When Michael realizes
marrying his girlfriend and establishing a home with her is
inevitable, he says, "This is it. This is the end." Media fairly
screams: "Marriage isn't worth it. Why bother?"
While Michael ends in making an uneasy peace with the idea
of marriage and commitment, we are left with the impression
that marriage is an alternate depressing reality — albeit
potentially richer — to the even more depressing reality of
singleness. Michael chooses the lesser of two evils. As the
credits rolled, I thought, something is terribly wrong with
this picture.
New View
The idea of marriage as useless has become so deeply
engrained in our culture, that it is difficult to see anything else.
While many singles desire marriage and continue to hope in its
ideal, they receive little positive reinforcement of its desirability.
In order to reclaim the value of marriage, you must ask yourself:
"Do I believe God meant what He said about marriage?"
Scripture elevates marriage as a relationship ordained by
God at creation and one that is deeply satisfying. Consider these
basic truths:
"It is not good for the man to be alone"
(Gen. 2:18).
Not only is this a statement uttered by God at the inauguration
of humanity, but it is something I feel daily on a personal level.
God did not create humans to live in isolation. He designed us to
long for and experience companionship and love. And marriage
was the first context — apart from Adam's relationship
with God Himself — the Lord established to relieve
loneliness.
"I will make a helper suitable for him"
(Gen. 2:18).
As a remedy to Adam's loneliness, God created Eve. God
designed her to be Adam's helper. At a women's prayer group, I
recently heard a single woman pray, "Lord, you created us to be
helpmates." I was stunned by this reminder. My desires to
nurture, encourage and assist were instilled by God for the
purpose of being a companion and helper and are best
exercised within the context of marriage.
"For this reason a man will leave his father and
mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one
flesh" (Gen. 2:24). Because God created woman
for man, marriage is the next natural step upon leaving one's
family of origin. In fact, this verse seems to indicate that a man
should ideally create his own family shortly after leaving his
family of origin. This is rare in today's society, where the average
marrying age is over 25. But waiting 10 to 15 years opens up an
unnatural window where a single is not supported by his family
and does not have a companion. This limbo fosters sexual
temptation, loneliness and confusion.
"Children are a gift of the LORD" (Psalm
127:3). This phrase is thrown around a lot and seems to
have lost its impact. With a tolerance for abortion and a
prejudice against women who choose family over career, society
seems to place value only on children who are wanted and who
don't impede personal success. And yet, of all the blessings God
wishes to bestow on His followers, children are at the top of the
list. Their value is mentioned repeatedly throughout Scripture.
They bless their mothers. They are a delight to their fathers. The
kingdom of God belongs to them.
The Family Gift
According to our God, marriage is not brutal responsibility;
it is a belonging that models God's character. This is seen in a
man loving his wife with devotion or a woman nurturing her
husband's dreams. The heavenly Father's love is expressed in a
baby nestling against its father's chest or a child kissing her
mother's face. These revelations are far from ordinary. They
thrill and satisfy in ways unknown apart from family life.
Even flawed families reflect God in some of His deepest
aspects. The prophet Hosea's love for his unfaithful wife,
Gomer, provided a picture of how God unflinchingly loves a
rebellious people. The story of the prodigal son demonstrates
the committed love and forgiveness of a heavenly father.
Families who work through problems bring just as much glory to
God.
I was blessed to grow up in a family where many of the
benefits of family life were realized. I had a father who showed
in every action that nothing delighted him more than his wife
and children. I had a mom who listened, tenderly brushed away
tears when necessary and spent late nights speaking words of
wisdom and truth to me. I had siblings who made me laugh and
cry and mostly be extremely grateful for their friendship, which
was unfailing. I know what is possible.
Many have not been so fortunate. They have seen only
brokenness and heartache in their families. And yet the fact
remains that the Father is glorified in godly families committed
to Him at any cost. For these relationships reflect Him. God is
our father. We are Christ's bride. Knowing God requires that we
become like children. The imagery is breathtaking. And God has
invited us to be a part of it.
The idea that marriage is not worth the effort is pervasive,
even among Christ-followers. Men (and women) like Michael find
little motivation for marriage, because they are not basing their
perspective on truth. Satan is pulling perhaps his biggest scam
yet — to erase the God-imagery found in families by
destroying them — even before they begin.
Yes, marriage is a commitment. Yes, marriage brings
greater responsibility. Yes, family life requires sacrifice. But as
believers, we have a compelling reason to pursue it. Marriage
bears witness to an incredible God, who has made us part of His
family and loved us passionately. If this is the case, Michael was
mistaken: entering into marriage is not the end; it's only the
beginning.
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