Since we launched in September 1998, we've received an ongoing stream of reader e-mail. A handful of messages each day, every day, over the course of 10 years can add up. Thankfully we've been able to answer much of it on the site through our Q&A columns by J. Budziszewski, John Thomas and me.

One writer confessed that he, a Christian, had gotten his unsaved girlfriend pregnant and now he wanted to know what he should do. He wrote,

She fell pregnant pretty much the first time we were together (I've been lectured about the use of protection, but we didn't plan for it and were unprepared).

This raises so many issues for us like whether we should get married, where we should live, where we should live over the summer break (she needs me to be there for her while she's pregnant and it's my baby too), and how we are going to support ourselves once the baby is born. I've looked into a few things such as government benefits, what we should do about study loads, and I think we have a rough idea of how things will work out. Our families are very supportive although fairly concerned for us at the same time.

My main question at the moment is about marriage. I believe we should get married, not only because of the baby but because I love her a lot and I know she loves me too. The issue of her not being a Christian is fairly important to me, and I don't know how I'm going to tell my friends that I'm married and only 19 (although I turn 20 next month) because I slept with my girlfriend.

It seems as though there is no single correct answer, but I'd appreciate it if you could help me find the "most correct" answer. I hope you can help me out with some advice, or at least point me in the right direction to find the answers. I appreciate your help.

p.s. I'm sort of amazed at myself in some ways. I've read countless articles and books on sex before marriage (including the ones on the Boundless website) and firmly believe in the benefits of not doing it, but I chose to do it anyway. I guess even if we are fully aware of the consequences, some people still tend to make silly choices. I'm thankful for God's grace at the moment and try to make myself as humble as I can, although at the moment I feel kind of proud of myself. It's something like the feeling you get when you've been doing things without God's help for too long, and I don't particularly enjoy the feeling.

I'll be ever grateful that J. Budziszewski was under contract for a regular Ask Theophilus column when that letter came in. In his wisdom, he replied,

... You say you know you've "made a silly choice," but you don't acknowledge that you've sinned. "Doing things without God's help" comes closer to an accurate description, but it's not there yet. Sin is grave business. More than being imprudent, it's defying God.

FIRST, then, you need to call what you did by its right name — it wasn't an error but a sin, and it wasn't "being together" but having sex. While you're at it, notice that you committed two other sins as well. You shouldn't have set the young woman such a rotten example of what it means to follow Christ, and you should have been seeking a spouse who also knew Christ rather than getting mixed up with someone who didn't. What did you think dating was for?

He went on to challenge the young man to repent, accept forgiveness and pray for God's help to do what would come next, including this advice:

Now prepare yourself. You ask my help for the situation you are in "at the moment." That is the wrong way to think of it. It isn't for the moment, but for the rest of your time on earth. I won't say, "Your life is about to change," because it already has. You are now a father, and you already have the obligations of a father. The fact that the child is not yet born makes no difference. The fact that you didn't intend to become a father makes no difference either. You are one, and from now on your first earthly obligation is to protect the mother and the child.

Theophilus had a lot more to say about getting married at such a young age to a non-believer, despite the ridicule of friends, regardless of feelings of love. But he didn't end without this sharp challenge and exhortation:

I have been tough with you, not from self-righteousness — God knows that I am a great sinner — but because you have a tough road ahead of you. Let me close with two thoughts.

First, you will not make the road any easier by imagining that you can choose another. Be a man of God now, a follower of Christ. Take up His shield and sword as His soldier, and face what must be faced with a song of strength and faith.

Second, if you do follow Him He will bless you. The Lord chastises those whom He loves, but He will not always chastise. If you accept his chastisement, He will use it to do you good which you have never imagined. Read these words of King David, who knew something about repentance and forgiveness.

When we first started brainstorming what would become Boundless, we never imagined the gravity of some of the stories that would intersect our work. But to hear from readers facing, in some cases, life and death decisions, as well as lots of day-to-day challenges, raised the stakes. We prayed we'd be up to the task. And occasionally, we'd hear back from someone who took our advice. Consider this letter that I only saw several years after it was written:

When I mentioned to my husband that I'd written you [Theophilus] a letter, he said that he, too, had once written with a major question and was surprised that you spent so much time replying. As it turns out, I am the girlfriend of "I Got My Girlfriend Pregnant." I thought you might like to know how everything turned out for me.

Obviously, I don't want to make light of the sin or say that it was ever okay for us to have sex before we were married. However, I believe we have become an example of how God can take a pair of sinners and turn the situation into something that can give others who've made the same mistake some kind of hope. We did get married, even though I was a non-Christian at the time. My own family encouraged me to "just" have an abortion and didn't see why we should marry. In my dad's words, marriage "is just a piece of paper, and I know plenty of happy unmarried couples." (I think his definition of a happy couple is a bit different from mine!) I'm really happy to say that we kept the baby and now have a beautiful 15-month-old son. Shortly after his birth, I asked Jesus into my life, and He has totally transformed me and given me peace and purpose that my former life could not offer.

... I am so thankful for God's grace and willingness to help us even though we disobeyed Him!

I don't want to say that Christians should date non-Christians. I imagine it was quite difficult for my husband, and I'm so glad he was patient enough to give me the time I needed to make the decision but loving enough to keep encouraging me toward Jesus. I don't know how he had the patience to handle my warped beliefs and opinions, and I am ever grateful that God used this situation to see me saved and to ensure that our son would be raised in a loving Christian home....

I just thought it might be nice for you to find out what happened because I am under the impression that it is rare for a marriage to last long when it's begun in these circumstances. However, with the help of Christian pre-marriage counseling and our involvement in a young married couples' Bible study group and a fantastic church, we have found that God has taken our sin and helped us make the most of what we have. I'm just so glad that I now have a loving husband who (despite his mistakes) introduced me to Jesus and a wonderful son whom we are raising as a Christian. I just hope and pray that he will make better decisions than we did!¹

That letter still brings tears to my eyes. What an honor to be a vessel God can use to speak to others at their points of pain and celebration.

Our goal has remained constant: to meet our readers where they are and help them think biblically. When we first started, our primary focus was the college season. Now, 10 years later, as our readers have graduated and moved on to careers, and eventually, marriage and family, we've grown with them. We still have a slice of content for collegians, but our primary message is now geared to 20- and 30-somethings in transition.

The pregnant couple may be the most dramatic example of hard advice, well applied, but certainly others of you who've asked Boundless for help have interesting punch lines.

Like Shellie, who wrote recently to say,

I am engaged — in part due to the wisdom that Candice Watters presented on the webzine.

Wahoo! Congratulations, Shellie. That's music to our ears, but also encouragement that we're helping in real ways.

We want to hear your story. This is your chance to help us celebrate our 10th anniversary by sending in your "rest of the stories."

If you've ever listened to NPR's Car Talk, you'll recognize "stump the chumps" as the segment where hosts Tom and Ray invite callers who've followed their car repair advice to come back on the show and let them know if what they suggested actually worked. If it did, all is well. If it didn't, well, the "chumps" send the caller a prize. So did we help you, or do we owe you a prize? Let us know.

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1. Ask Me Anything, copyright 2004 by J. Budziszewski, NavPress, Colorado Springs, CO, pp. 66-68.