Since I first wrote "Pulling a Ruth," about the process of going from "just friends" to dating Steve Watters, I've spent a lot of time thinking and praying about my perspective on the biblical book of Ruth. Though our story hasn't changed, my understanding of what Ruth can teach us about romance in our day has. At least in part. For a fuller picture of the lessons of Ruth, not to mention equal time for Boaz, please be sure to read "Ruth Revisited" after reading parts 1 and 2 of this series.

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Editor's note: We're living in a time when relations between men and women are in chaos. Male leadership is rare, even among Christians, as men face a culture where they're not sure whether they're even supposed to lead — or of just what leadership means. Women, meanwhile, are torn between waiting in passive frustration or aggressively seizing the leadership role.

We won't pretend any one article, including the following, can address all the aspects of this situation. We don't present it as a "how to" manual, of the "if only you follow this model, everything will work out" stripe; it's an account of two people's experience, not a one-size-fits-all guidebook. We do believe, however, that it presents a valuable account of how a man and a woman struggled to navigate romance in the midst of a romantically befuddled culture. In particular, it's a story of a Christian woman seeking to walk a path that avoids both passivity and usurpation, and of a Christian man rediscovering — with her help, and her challenge — his leadership role.

(Last month, Candice began the story of how she "pulled a Ruth" on Steve Here's the conclusion.)

The man in a relationship should be the leader. He should initiate and make the moves toward marriage. So I thought prior to listening to Mary Morken, a modern-day matchmaker, at our school retreat. I believed it was enough to "trust in the Lord with all my heart" and "seek first His Kingdom." Mary assured me that those things were fundamental. But she didn't stop there.

In answering my questions, she referred to the biblical character of Ruth. "The context of Ruth is that she lived in a stable society where families were involved in God's work of bringing mates together," Mary said. "In our day, we are in limbo without the structures and social supports. We don't even know if potential mates believe in marriage the same as we do. Just how courtship should be done is up for grabs. Not because it should be, but because it is."

She encouraged us to "stand in the gap for each other, facilitate the courtship process and through self-disclosure, express your beliefs about marriage and courtship within your group of friends. You never know, that group may include your future mate.

"Talk about marriage," she challenged. "Don't be afraid of the subject. You are young, godly men and women, you should want to be married and be willing to do the work to get there." We were all a little shocked by her boldness and unconventional approach. We also knew we weren't finding any success doing things our way.

Most of the men in our lives had absorbed a steady diet of pop culture. With Steve, it was Friends and Seinfeld, movies, books and music that were seductively anti-marriage. Oh, sure, they're pro-romance, pro-sex, even pro-"relationship," but it's almost always outside the covenant of marriage. The message is subtle, but powerful. It's not surprising that men, even Christian men, are slow to move toward a lifelong commitment.

The men we knew were passive in the midst of a relationally chaotic society. So being passive in return was getting us nowhere. "Flowers are meant to bloom and be seen and known," Mary said. "I see nothing in Scripture that says a woman is not allowed to express her desire; nothing that says she may only respond when sought after.

"To be feminine is to nurture, not merely respond," she said. "Women have the advantage when it comes to verbal skills, and they can bring healing to the very men they need to take more initiative."

I was ready to accept that challenge. I had always heard the way to a man's heart was through his stomach, so I decided to kill two birds with one stone: Host a dinner party where the guest list included Steve Watters and the Morkens. Hu and Mary were great at asking questions that prompted us to think about where we were headed after graduation and whether we might journey together. And in the midst of the probing conversation, Steve was enjoying my chicken Italiano, baby greens and homemade cheesecake.

The meal and conversation must have done the trick. After the Morkens left, Steve broached the subject of "us" for the very first time. Working together to clean up the dishes, he said it: "There's something between us, isn't there? The potential for something?" I was shocked, and thrilled. Shocked that he finally saw it and thrilled that he had the courage to acknowledge it. We spent the next hour talking about our friendship and all the reasons we would be such a good couple. He also talked about his doubts. About how I was different from the girls he had dated in the past. I guess I was the first Yankee to catch this southern boy's fancy.

It wasn't a definitive conversation — he ended by saying, "I'm not sure where we go from here" — but it was the beginning. And I was content to hope and pray like crazy.

Prayer played no small part in our budding romance. Since Steve had not yet made any commitment to me, I couldn't share the secrets of my heart with him — I had to rely on the Lord. My journals from those months of waiting are filled with prayers for patience and trust and ultimately, God's will. I knew that as much as I wanted Steve, I wanted even more to be in God's will. So I prayed that God's plan included Steve — and if it didn't, that He would change the desires of my heart.

Two and a half months passed after that conversation — still with no progress toward marriage or even an official transition to "dating." I was getting impatient. It was time to act.

On our way to campus the morning before summer break was over, I laid it all on the line. "Steve, I want to get married and I hope it's to you. But if it's not, then we need to stop spending all this time together. Otherwise, no one else will ask me out — they all think we're dating." I said it in one breath, my heart pounding out of my chest. He was listening.

"I need you to call this what it is. I can't just be the buddy who gives you someone to hang out with on the weekends and all the days in between. Are we dating or not?"

I needed him to make it official; to be sure I wasn't wasting the most eligible days of my life on some endless holding pattern. "If you're not ready to state your intentions," I said, "then you may no longer have access to me: my time, affections or friendship."

I was asking him to lead. I was serious about being willing to walk away from him and he knew it.

We agreed to spend the day apart and get back together that evening to talk.

Time moved a lot slower that day. I spent the hours thinking and praying; asking God to embolden Steve and open his heart to love. I knew with all of my being that we would be a good match. But I also knew that palling around wasn't getting me any closer to my goal — and calling — of marriage. So I also prayed for my own strength to follow through if he said no.

He picked me up after dinner and we went for a walk at dusk around a small lake on campus. When we finished the circle and sat down on a bench, my hands were trembling. I couldn't guess what he would say. He wasn't giving me any hints.

I remember the intensity in his eyes when he said yes.

God answered my prayers that day. Steve opened his heart and with the advice of the Morkens, he "let love grow" between us. It was a little awkward going from friends to lovers (in the traditional sense of the word) but the Morkens were there with advice and wisdom to mentor us through the process. It was a wonderful day of celebration when, six months later, Steve got down on one knee in a small garden in Williamsburg, VA, and asked me to be his wife.

Then it was my turn to say yes.