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Tiffany had immediately been drawn to the old saying that "We have followed too much the devices and desires of our own hearts."

"Yeah," she was saying. "We could put it that way. My first big mistake was not giving enough information, and my second one was not being ready for the devices and desires of the heart. Like in the heart of the girl who wanted her sins to be overlooked instead of forgiven, and who wanted to think that was what the gospel was all about. Or like those other people, who wanted to be forgiven without turning away from their sins, and who wanted to think that was what the gospel was all about. Yeah."

She reflected for a moment more, then smiled. "You didn't say much, Prof, but this has been really helpful to me. Thanks." She stirred as though she were about to leave.

"Tiffany —"

"Yes? I'm still here."

"I agree with you about those two big mistakes in your talk, but —"

"Oh, no. Here it comes."

"Here what comes?"

"You're going to say there's a third one."

"I am."

"Well, tell me."

"Have you considered the devices and desires of your own heart?"

After a long silence, a tiny voice said "Of my heart?"

"Of yours. Besides the omissions — the pieces of information you needed to give but didn't — besides all that, could there have been a subtle distortion of the gospel in your heart too?"

Tiffany said, "But why should I have — what did I say? I mean, what do you think I said?"

"Don't you remember? You made three points, and only one of them is sound."

"Oh, right. Yes, I did have three points. The first was that nobody should put on airs, because everyone sins." She peered at me with a puzzled expression. "You're not going to fault me for that, are you?"

"No, it's perfectly true. As Paul says, says 'All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.'¹ In fact, dismally short — if we're honest."

"Okay. My second point was that all sins are equally offensive to God, so really we're all the same."

"There's your first problem. Thoroughly unscriptural."

"How can you say that? James says, 'For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become guilty of all of it.'² You can't beat me at Scripture memory, Prof. I won all the Scripture Knowledge prizes when I was little. And I take that verse literally."

"My dear, that's just how you don't take it. If you did take it literally, then you'd have to say that anyone who murders should also be regarded as having committed adultery. James couldn't intend that, because in the very next verse, he says that isn't so. He says, 'If you do not commit adultery but do kill, you have become a transgressor of the law.'"³

"So what do you say he means?"

"He's simply saying that anyone who sins at all has become a sinner. He has rebelled against the principle of God's law, and become a lawbreaker."

"How is that different from what I said? It sure seems like saying that every sin is equally bad. Doesn't it seem like it to you?"

"No, but I never argue with 'seems like.' It's not a logical argument, but a subjective impression. Anything can 'seem like' anything to anyone. That doesn't prove anything."

"Then we're stuck."

"Maybe not," I replied. "May I try another approach?"

She peered at me suspiciously. "What other approach?"

"Would you agree with me that Scripture doesn't contradict itself?"

"Sure. God doesn't contradict His own Word."

"Then let's consider passages in the Bible that actually compare different sins."

"Are there any?" she said in surprise.

"You know the place where Jesus tells the hypocrite to take the log out of his eye before trying to get the speck out of his neighbor's eye, don't you?"⁴

"Yes, but I don't see —"

"Isn't a log greater than a sliver?"

"Sure, but that's —"

"And don't the log and the sliver represent greater and lesser sins?"

She paused, her face slightly less skeptical than before. "Hmm. Got any more like that?"

"How about the parable of the faithful steward?⁵ Do you remember that one?"

"I told you that I won all the Scripture Knowledge prizes when I was little. You could also call it the parable of the unfaithful stewards."

"That's right. Do all the unfaithful stewards receive the same punishment?

"No. Both did what deserved punishment, but the one who knew what he was supposed to do was punished more severely than the one who didn't."

"Doesn't it follow that —"

"I get it," she interrupted. "That it's worse to do wrong knowingly than unknowingly."

"Are you convinced yet?" I asked.

"I don't know yet. Keep going."

"How about Jesus comment about the sin against the Holy Spirit?⁶ He says that's the only sin that can't be forgiven. But if every sin were equally bad —"

She finished the sentence for me. "Then either all sins could be forgiven, or none of them could be. I'm getting there. Keep going."

"You take a lot of convincing, Tiffany."

"On this point, Prof, yes, I do. If you're right, it turns my whole way of thinking upside down. So keep going." She caught my sigh and grinned. "But you can be briefer if you want to. Maybe you could just give me a list or something?"

"There are too many passages to list. How about a partial list?"

"All right."

"The passage where Jesus says that on the day of judgment, it will go worse for the nonrepentant cities that witnessed His mighty works than for the nonrepentant cities that didn't witness them.⁷ If it will go worse for them, then aren't their sins worse?"

"Give me another."

"The passage where He says to Pontius Pilate, 'He who delivered me to you has the greater sin.'⁸ If he who delivered Him has the greater sin, then aren't some sins greater?"

"Give me another."

"The passage where St. Paul says that evil men and impostors go "from bad to worse."⁹ If they go from bad to worse, then aren't some sins worse?"

"Give me another."

"Why don't you give me another?" I asked. "After all, you're the one who won all the Scripture Knowledge prizes when you were little."

"Well," she answered, "I suppose we could list the place where St. John says that if you see your brother sinning you should pray for him and God will give him life, but not if it's the 'sin that leads to death.'¹⁰ He says he's not saying that you should pray about that. You'd say that shows it must be worse."

"I'd say so, eh? Wouldn't you say so too?"

With great reluctance, she said "I don't see how I can escape."

"Good. To quote you, 'Give me another.'"

"Do you have to rub it in? All right. Lots of passages are coming to me now. Like the place in Hebrews where it says that someone who treads the Son of God underfoot deserves worse than someone who commits a capital crime under the Law of Moses.¹¹ And like the place where — well, never mind."

"Why never mind?"

"I don't need the list any more. I admit it. Scripture doesn't teach that all sins are equal."

"Does that passage you quoted in James still 'seem like' it teaches the opposite?"

"No. I get what you meant about that now. He's not saying that all sins are equal. He's only saying that if you don't keep every part of the law — well, then you aren't keeping the law." Her words were light, but her expression was grim.

"That's all I was trying to say, Tiffany."

"All right all right all right," she said, "so I was mistaken. But you're awfully hard on me! Hammering me with Scripture passages like that!"

I smiled and asked quietly, "Didn't you ask me to list them for you? I seem to recall someone's voice repeating 'Give me another.'"

"Well, yes, but I don't see what this has to do with the devices and desires of my heart!"

"Don't you?"

"No! In my talk at the retreat, I didn't put on airs, did I?"

"I wasn't there, but if you said what you told me you said, then I would say 'No.'"

"In fact I said we shouldn't put on airs."

"So you said."

"Don't you believe me?"

"I believe you completely."

"I reasoned that if my sins are equally bad, then they're just as bad as everyone else's! Didn't I, now?"

"Yes, but —"

"See, then?"

"I was going to ask, but haven't you ever felt the temptation to turn that around?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, haven't you ever found yourself saying of some cherished sin, 'Well, it may be bad, but at least it's no worse than anyone else's'?"

She was silent for a long time.

"I've felt that temptation," I confessed. "More than once."

"Yes," she admitted, "I have too." After a second or two, with a grudging smile, she added, "Second round to Professor Theophilus."

I smiled back. "I'm not fencing. Shall we go on the your third point?"

Somewhat thawed, she said, "We could, but you'll have to tell me what it was. I know I made three points back there, but I've sort of — lost track."

"You'd said, 'Whether my life is a success doesn't depend on how holy I am; it depends on the grace of God.'"

"Oh. Right." Her brow furrowed. "So?"

"That's a false alternative."

"A false what?"

"False alternative. I mean you're treating grace and holiness as either-or, but actually they're both-and."

"You'd better not be telling me we can earn our way into heaven. I know we can't do that."

"Of course not. But did you think we could get there without being holy?

"I don't follow you."

"Holiness is what we were made for, Tiffany — but holiness itself depends on grace."

"It sounds like you're contradicting yourself. It's grace, but it's not grace."

"There is no 'not'; it's grace, all right. But you're not seeing both sides of the picture. Everything depends on grace, but we have to cooperate with that grace. We have to cooperate, but even the power to cooperate depends on grace."

"I've never heard it put that way."

"Haven't you? Don't you remember what Paul said?"

"Where?"

"In many places, but I was thinking of this one: 'Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling' — that means you have to strive for holiness — 'for God is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure' — that means you have to depend on grace.'¹²

"But we were talking about the devices and desires of my heart. What's your point about that?"

"It's not so much a point as a question. Isn't it possible, just barely possible, that you want to have the grace, but without the fear and trembling? That you don't want to have to strive along with God's striving in you? That you want it to be too easy?"

"Oh, my," said Tiffany. She seemed to be a little stunned. "I don't — I'm not sure I know the answer." She thought a bit longer, then her eyes came back into focus. The accusing look had returned, but it was subtly different than before.

"You're a hard man, Professor Theophilus."

"I'm sorry."

"It was a compliment," she said. "I think."

* * *

1. Romans 3:23 (RSV).
2. James 2:10 (RSV).
3. James 2:11b (RSV), emphasis added.
4. Matthew 7:3.
5. Luke 12:47-48.
6. Matthew 12:31.
7. Matthew 11:20-24.
8. John 19:11 (RSV).
9. 2 Timothy 3:13 (RSV).
10. 1 John 5:16 (NIV); compare RSV.
11. Hebrews 10:28-29.
12. Philippians 2:12b-13 (RSV). See also 2 Corinthians 1:12 (RSV): "For our boast is this, the testimony of our conscience that we have behaved in the world, and still more toward you, with holiness and godly sincerity, not by earthly wisdom but by the grace of God."