Should I leave my friends to accept a job offer?

advice header image

Should I leave my friends to accept a job offer?

Apr 07, 2008 |John Thomas
Question

I am currently finishing up grad school. I have recently received a great job offer from out of state. Only problem is, I have a good circle of Christian friends here. They're mostly working and becoming established here. They tell me that I should stay here — not because I'm headed in the wrong direction, but because they're here. There are plenty of jobs in my field around here, so I am not forced to leave by economic necessity.

My dilemma boils down to this: If I take the job offer and leave, I feel like I would be needlessly leaving my friends. If I stay, I would be throwing away a great opportunity.

I would accept the out-of-state job offer for several reasons. I have lived here for most of my life and welcome the opportunity to try living in a different part of the country. Based on past experiences, I think this would greatly broaden my perspective. I also see it as a rite of passage — to strike out on my own, away from where I grew up and from that which I am familiar with. I am young and unattached and these opportunities may disappear later in life.

Some of my friends understand this and some don't. I certainly don't want to leave them but I can't have my cake and eat it too. I'd actually be quite comfortable here, but I'd also be restless knowing what I might be missing if I stayed put.

While God can work out all things for good, that does not leave me off the hook for making wise and responsible decisions. Problem is, I'm not sure what is a proper, biblical view of this dilemma — "commitment" versus "adventure." Am I making a mistake if I end up making the move?

Answer

It's a great compliment to you that your friends will miss you. I would expect any group of good friends to feel the same way. But you can't base major life decisions on whether you break up the gang. That's part of growing up.

Now, if you have a love-interest or some ministry opportunities that you have with that group, or you serve as some leader or mentor to them, and you sense that God wants you to stay and invest in some sort of discipleship role, then that's another story. Or, if you believe God has called you to that community of believers in the Body of Christ would be another very good reason to stay.

But to stay because your friends would miss you if you moved away is not reason enough.

Your decision is not between "commitment" and "adventure," unless you've committed to your friends that you'd never move out of town. I might be missing something, but I see nothing that would indicate you would break some trust by moving.

We all hate to see good friends move away, but it happens, whether by calling or career choice or school choice or just because you want to. For your friends to view this only from the perspective of how it will affect them is selfish. True friendship (love) wants what is best for you and for the call of God on your life and supports that in every possible way.

A Caution: What you don't want to do is move away and not be a part of any community of believers. It would be a mistake to move anywhere and be disconnected from Christian fellowship at the local level, when you have such a good network where you are. That's my main concern. If you decide to move, make sure you have a plan for plugging into the body of Christ where you land.

Blessings,
JOHN THOMAS

Copyright 2008 John Thomas. All rights reserved.

If you have a question you'd like us to consider for this column, please send it to editor@boundless.org. Please note that all questions we select for this column may be edited for clarity and privacy and become the property of Focus on the Family.

Donate

Like what you see?

If you’ve enjoyed this article, will you consider giving a tax-deductible gift to Boundless right now? We’re a donor-funded ministry, and we rely on friends like you to help keep us going! DONATE NOW »

References
  • .

THE BOUNDLESS BUZZ

Sign up for our weekly e-newsletter and get a free video episode from That The World May Know: The Path to the Cross from Focus on the Family.