Should I wait around for this potential suitor?

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Should I wait around for this potential suitor?

Oct 13, 2008 |Candice Watters
Question

My grandma is playing matchmaker and trying her hardest to set me up with a Christian man in her church. All of this I am pleased with. Although I do not know the man very well, from what I have seen and heard he has the makings of a fine husband.

However, there has been no response on his part. He is studying to be a doctor and just began his first year of residency, so his focus has been on his schooling.

I do not know what to do. Soon I will be heading back to school 12 hours away. In the midst of that I have the opportunity to graduate from college a year early. I would like to graduate and come home to see if there is a future with the young man. But I know that cannot be my only reason. What should I do? Should I give up on this potential husband?

To clarify, we have interacted very little, this is due partly to our summer schedules as well as the lack of opportunity to interact. I am just seeking wisdom about this situation. Sometimes I feel as if I am running around in the dark, chasing after whatever seems to be the right answer.

Answer

What a dear grandma. I think it's great she's trying to help you marry well — we should all be so fortunate. However, if the young man is more theory than reality, it's hard to recommend that you adjust your plans to be available to him. If he's not interested in getting married any time soon, and from what I know about medical residents, that's entirely likely, it wouldn't make sense to move toward him (especially if he's your only reason for doing so) when he hasn't asked you to.

I'm curious if your grandmother has mentioned you to him. It would be helpful and appropriate for her to have a conversation about you with him in your absence. Assuming they know each other (and if not, this would be a key first step), she might invite him over for tea and in the course of conversation, ask him if he's seeing anyone. If not, she could easily mention that she has a delightful and attractive granddaughter that she thinks he might like very much.

She could gauge his response, both for interest in and availability for a relationship in general, as well as with you in particular. If he brushes her off in any way, she has saved you the cost and hassle of moving back home with false hope. If he does seem interested, she could then facilitate a meeting – having you both for tea, for example – the next time you're in town.

As awkward or clumsy as this may sound, it's by far the most gracious way to explore this possible relationship while sparing your heart in the process. If it goes well, think what you've gained. If not, and he clearly says no, I'm not interested, you have your answer and can move on without embarrassment.

May God guide you and your grandmother.

Sincerely,
CANDICE WATTERS

Copyright 2008 Candice Watters. All rights reserved.

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