How can I confront my boss about the porn I found on his computer?

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How can I confront my boss about the porn I found on his computer?

Apr 06, 2009 |John Thomas
Question

While recently helping my boss with a project, I (unknown to him) stumbled upon his Internet history and discovered he has been looking at pornography at work.

My heart is broken. He is otherwise a godly Christian, leader and family man. I feel very strongly that since he is my brother in Christ I need to lovingly confront him about the porn. Any suggestions would be VERY welcomed. I am so grieved, but I know God allowed me to find this for a reason. I think he needs a wake-up call.

Answer

Bear in mind that whatever advice I give you is based on having no knowledge of your company or whether it has any sort of protocol for this. This is both a spiritual issue and a work issue. For all I know there might be policy in some company handbook about viewing pornography on company computers, or using them for personal reasons. I don't want to get this all bungled up in bureaucracy, but you must at least consider whatever company procedures are in place for reporting abuse of office equipment and time.

Also keep in mind that he might not be the only person using his computer. If it's a laptop that he takes home, or if others are using it at his office (I had a boss whose older sons would regularly work on their dad's computer), there could be a slight chance that he's not the one viewing the porn. It's obviously still a problem if that's the case, but a different problem requiring different action.

Assuming that he is the one viewing the porn, my first piece of advice is that you not be the one to address this with him. No matter how close your relationship with him, a subordinate, younger female confronting her male, older boss about his sin, especially this sin, is not the best way to get the response we're hoping for, which is repentance. (I would give the same advice to a younger, subordinate male, by the way).

From what you've briefly described about him, it sounds like he is probably connected with some male Christian leaders who would be in a better position to bring this to him and offer whatever ministry and accountability to bring health in this area of his life. Those are the people you need to talk to.

If you know him as well as it sounds like you do, then you probably know who would be the best male authority in his life for you to talk to. Maybe it's his pastor or an elder at his church or a small group leader or a good friend of his. You need to decide who has your boss's respect as a friend and spiritual authority figure and contact him as quickly as possible.

Tell him exactly what you told us, and that we at Boundless encouraged you to hand this to someone else, a male, who could speak into your boss's life with more accountability and authority. We're not seeking some huge intervention; nor are we hoping to embarrass your boss. We simply want to help him to embrace repentance and restoration and save himself and his family from some serious hurt down the road.

Bringing in a male spiritual authority will not only relieve you from the stress of an encounter that simply shouldn't be your responsibility, it will also provide accountability for the future.

I think it is best that your name be left out as the one who discovered it, although it might be obvious if you're the only other person who has had access to his computer.

He might deny that he's the one who has viewed the porn, but either way he should agree to having a filter put on his computer (or on all the office computers for that matter) or use one of those accountability software programs that e-mails a list of Web sites you've viewed to an accountability partner.

I think you're right. I think this is the mercy of God in your boss's life by allowing you to "stumble" upon this. Pass this on to the right person and pray for a healthy, godly resolution and restoration.

Blessings,
JOHN THOMAS

Copyright 2009 John Thomas. All rights reserved.

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