I have a problem related to a confusing and heart-wrenching breakup I had nearly a year ago. She was — is — one of the most wonderful Christian women I know, yet she broke up with me.
I thought we were happy together. I believe I “loved her truly with God’s love,” as my friends said. I was concerned she wasn’t giving me enough attention, but I figured it was because she was busy and this was her first dating relationship, so we could work things out.
The night before I went to visit her at college, she called me and told me to come prepared to talk. I had no idea it would be a breakup talk.
She has hardly talked to me since. I’ve tried to talk to her about what had happened, but she eventually told me she only wanted to “communicate as friends.” I asked when I could see her next, and she told me she didn’t think we should see each other for a while.
I stashed away everything I had that would remind me of her: gifts, mementos, photos. But things I had little or no control over would remind me of her. I prayed that God would make them stop if I was to move on, but they didn’t. I wanted desperately for my heart to change, but it wouldn’t.
I began to wonder if these reminders were from God, as if He wasn’t letting me run away from the issue. So I asked God to either bring her and me back together as better people or to lead us both to someone else who was better, whichever brought Him the most glory.
I sought the counsel of friends. Some thought I was still hung-up on her, that once I met someone else I would be overcome with love for her and be over it. Others admired my loyalty and love.
Several months had passed by this point. I began to wonder if I should say something to her about this, but I feared I might overstep my bounds and try to do God’s work for Him. I prayed and asked God what to do. I wrote down what I believed was His answer. It said I could email her but that the rest was up to Him.
Two-and-a-half weeks later, she wrote me back saying her mind was unchanged, that she didn’t think she could give me what I wanted. I was still confused, but I told her that I would accept her answer.
I then asked if it was a good time to rebuild our friendship. I waited for weeks for an answer, but got none. I sent her two reminders, but still nothing. It seemed I didn’t matter to her. Finally, I wrote her an email confronting her on this and saying all the things I wanted to say since it seemed our friendship was doomed.
She wrote me back a few days later and ended the letter by saying that she still believed in me and wanted to know what was going on in my life but that we should go our separate ways and “see what happens.”
None of this makes sense to me. I thought she was different from the other girls I’ve courted, but now I’ve lost her completely just like I did with every other girl I’ve liked. I blame myself for it. First, because it seems I’m not worth loving. Second, because it seems my conduct has driven her away.
I don’t know what to do. Should I pray for reconciliation and, at the least, a restored friendship? Or is it hopeless? Could God, even now, still change her heart? Or should I pray I can love another woman like I did her?