It’s Christmas time again, and singles everywhere are bracing themselves for their annual interrogation — couched in love, of course — from family and friends about the love life they’ve built for themselves since last Christmas. We’ll smile and nod and say we’re trusting God, but deep down we really wish there was a better way, some technique for diffusing this unavoidable line of questioning.
Well, singles everywhere can take a deep breath. I have compiled the 10 best ways to defuse such unwanted questioning. This Christmas, when loved ones ask about your non-existent love life, feel free to use as many of these gems as possible:
1. Wear a Christmas sweater with big flashing letters: “Still single” [front], “Don’t ask” [back]
2. With a blank stare, slowly whisper, “I…have…no…idea…”
3. Respond, “Why, what have you heard?”
4. “I’m waiting to meet someone who shares my affinity for all things Tolkien.”
5. “I’m not supposed to talk about it until after the court date…”
6. Conjure up a few fake tears, then look up quickly with a shout, “How long, O Lord!”
7. Pull a Mother Teresa: “The poor children at the shelter need me too much to spend time dating.”
8. “My doctor said I should wait until I’m not contagious…”
9. Have key siblings and cousins spread a family rumor you were one of the Powerball winners.
10. “Enough about me; I’ve been meaning to ask you about a few of your biggest life regrets.”
Some of these may not work in every or any situation, so do proceed with caution. Most of them will likely make things even more awkward. While there is room for a serious post or two on this conundrum, I’ll leave that to some other Boundless contributor or commenter.