Is it Really Possible to ‘Win His Heart’?

 January through March is always a fun time of year for me. It was during these months, five years ago that I got to know and began dating my husband, Kevin. In fact, last week I was reminded of the first time we co-led Bible study together, because it was the same day my niece was born. 

“That was the first time we held hands,” I teased Kevin. 

“It was?!” 

“Yeah, remember, Stan and Nita [a married couple helping us] suggested we stand in a circle and hold hands to pray before people arrived.” 

“Oh, yeah!” 

I remember those early days of getting to know Kevin fondly. They were days when my future husband was already winning my heart; little did I know, I was also winning his.

In today’s featured article, “How to Win a Man’s Heart,” Shaunti Feldhahn provides six suggestions to women for winning a man’s heart. Among them: developing godly character, not coming across as desperate and not neglecting personal appearance. 

She writes:

“Find a great man by being a great woman. Don’t just look for the right traits in him, but work on the right traits in you. And that starts with your own relationship with God.”

Good advice. In fact, all of Feldhahn’s advice in this article — a good portion of it coming from interviews with single men — is solid. I would encourage women to take all six suggestions to heart. That said, as I look back on my own experience and the experiences of some of my other now-married friends, “winning a man’s heart” is not as easy as this article might make it sound. I probably had Feldhahn’s list fairly well in hand by my mid-20s, but no man’s heart seemed available for the winning. And as I approached 30, I sometimes wondered if something about my personality or appearance kept me from being the kind who could win a man’s heart. (You know, like all the married women must have some secret charms that I was lacking.) 

Then one day I met someone who seemed to be created to appreciate so many of the little details God had been cultivating in me throughout my life. The first day we met, Kevin was attracted to my enthusiasm for children’s ministry — something that is also close to his heart. And as I grew in admiration of this man and expressed that admiration (one of Feldhahn’s suggestions), my words of encouragement and our similar perspective on life seemed to naturally endear me to Kevin. 

So while I kept many of the things on Feldhahn’s list in mind as I got to know my husband, I think winning his heart was less about fulfilling a checklist and more about being the person God created me to be and allowing another person to be drawn to that. I think in my single days, I would have been energized by an article like Feldhahn’s that offers great practical advice that a single woman can grab onto. The balance is remembering you may be primed to win a man’s heart, but the right man might not be there yet. Don’t be discouraged. Practice the principles, pray and hope, and remember it’s possible … sometimes when you don’t see it coming.

[Guys may want to check out “How to Win a Woman’s Heart” by Joshua Rogers.]