As usual, you are right on the money; especially the part about the bullet train of engagement. As soon as couples even THINK they are headed for marriage, they should get into premarital counseling. How much grief could be saved if people took that approach instead of give the ring, announce to the world, make all the arrangements, then, oops, maybe we shouldn’t do this. Most people don’t have the guts to call it off, and many folks come from families that would tell them do it or else, or we’ve spent too much money, or this would embarrass the family, etc. You go girl!! Keep telling the truth! God will use you to speak to those that need to hear.

Corin W.

And this one:

I just read your article, "Speak Now Or Forever Hold Your Peace," and wanted, once again, to thank you for allowing the Lord to use you to minister to others. You have such an incredible way with words and your writing is so gripping, so magnetic, I simply can't stop reading until I'm done.

This particular article really meant a lot to me because three years ago, after the church was booked, the honeymoon planned, the wedding dress lace and material bought, and the engagement ring of my dreams on my finger, I broke up with my fiance because I knew he wasn't the right one. It was definitely the most difficult decision I have ever had to make. Without question, though, it was the right one. The Lord has taught me so much about His love in the midst of my brokenness. His love is the only perfect love and the only love that will ever truly satisfy.

I could go on and on about how my Heavenly Bridegroom has healed me and taught me so much, but really, I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for listening to the Lord and letting Him write through you. Keep up the awesome work. I'm praying for you and your ministry.

Tiffany

Others, however, were concerned that we suggested engagement carries none of the commitment of marriage. One reader went so far to say that engagement is as serious as the marriage vow; not to be broken:

Our Christian duty does not change because we are in an unhappy situation. We must not go back on our word, and once we’re married, we must love our spouse so that we may please God. We should pray for God to mend any problems, and God will bless our obedience.

You may say, “This is all well and good, and if I had it to do over again, I would think twice before getting engaged, but it’s too late for that now. I’m no longer in love with this person. What am I to do?” The Chinese evangelist Watchman Nee addressed this issue with some practical advice:

[Y]ou need to remember that in becoming engaged, you have given the other party a contract, a promise to him or her before God. A Christian should not annul such a contract carelessly, for a contract is sacred in the sight of God. You, as well as the opposite party, may suggest an annulment ... This is only an engagement, so you may initiate the suggestion. However, if the opposite party insists on your fulfilling your contract, you will have to fulfill it. When the word of a Christian is already given, it must be enacted; it must not be destroyed. Because God keeps His word, we have salvation; otherwise, there would be no salvation. Thus we can only negotiate, but we cannot unilaterally destroy the contract. If the opposite party does not give consent, the contract must be carried out. (Do All to the Glory of God, pg. 18)

Still another wrote from the perspective of having been engaged only to have his fiancé break off the engagement:

I find myself rather disappointed with Kara's perspective. As someone who was the recipient of a broken engagement, I feel that her advice only adds fuel to the fire of disposable relationships, something that Christians cannot make a part of their lifestyle. Now surely I am not advocating going through with an engagement that is unhealthy, but I am suggesting that engagement be a commitment not easily broken.

So perhaps she should have written to those before they are engaged, pleading with them to ensure God's will for their future, and once finding that direction, committing to it. In all honesty, a successful Christian marriage has much less to do with any tests of personality, compatibility, etc., than it does with respecting marriage as a covenant ordained by God. In the times of Jesus, betrothal required a certificate of divorce. While I'm not advocating we return to that system, I think we should be encouraging others to view the steps leading to marriage as a part of covenant that God does not take lightly.

Peter K.

One reader, recently married, had this to say:

The better way to look at marriage is that no man can satisfy me as God does and I should never lay such a burden on the man because he will never be able to love me as fully as God does. Therefore, I set my mind to love him as I love myself, sacrifice and submit to him as I would to God (Ephesians 5) and trust God to work in him to love me and to help me find my satisfaction in God alone. That poor woman in the illustration will probably have more divorces even if she should find a more perfect fit because she is looking for something he can't give her, her mind is set on what will make her happy.

Julie J.

And finally:

I think the breakdown came once the article shifted from the value of pre-marital counseling and into what seemed like an emphasis on acting on last-minute concerns about the marriage. The story about the anxiety on the wedding day should have been a warning to do good pre-marital work to avoid that scene, but instead it seemed to come across as an encouragement to ditch the commitment if you have cold feet.

Steve O.