Dear Future Husband

Sep 11, 2017 |Michelle Plett
girl at picnic bench daydreaming with pen and paper

Writing to a man I don't yet know taught me more than I expected about life, love and faith.

Dear Future Husband,

Here's the thing. I'm pretty sure you're out there. Somewhere. Hiding behind a rock? Busy saving children in a feat of selflessness and honor? No? Yes? Maybe you're just learning a lot about yourself and haven't quite figured out that I'm the girl for you.

It's OK.

I'm cool over here. Waiting. Not always patiently, but most of the time I'm OK.

Love, Your Future Wife

I began writing to my future husband as a joke. I was living alone in London, and one night I burned dinner. In a fit of total maturity (not), I convinced myself that this wouldn't have happened if I was married.

I was very single (if there are even degrees), and so rather than complain on Facebook about burning my dinner, I decided to just write to my future husband. Although he did not yet exist in my particular world, I figured that he must be alive somewhere.

Thus began a continuing series of notes to my future husband (who may even be reading them right now … who knows?). And though I look forward to meeting him someday, I've realized that this process is less for him and more for me. Writing out my thoughts, fears and hopes for us has helped me to appreciate and accept who I am and how that will shape the kind of wife I will one day be. As I've written these letters, here are a few things I've learned.

Dear Future Husband,

Sometimes I wonder what you're like in church. Do you hold your hands up high in surrender, or quietly connect to our Savior? Are you the strong silent type, who will gently nudge me when my thoughts need adjusting? Will you get up early with me to work out before our days start or will I have to spend mornings tiptoeing around because you need just five minutes more? I wonder what song you listen to when you need encouragement or peace. Do you pray out loud or stare into the sky and silently chat with God?

XO, Michelle

Right now, as a single woman, I get to do what I want. I serve where I want; I spend my money as I please. I can have dance parties or loud prayer sessions in my apartment without bothering anyone. Writing to my future husband allows me to explore what these things may look like in the future, and how they may change.

It also reminds me of the importance of having Christ at the center of the relationship. I need God now, but I will need Him just as much with another person in the mix. Ephesians says that marriage is a reflection of the relationship between Christ and the church and must be built on love and respect.

We won't be the same, having spent the majority of our lives apart, but writing to him helps me imagine what the day-to-day details of our lives could look like and what it means to be someone's partner. It's easy to daydream about your wedding day or your future home. It's more difficult to understand what it will take to really respect the man you're with and to love sacrificially.

Dear Future Husband,   

I picture you sitting there with a cup of coffee. Maybe you just got off of work or you're home from an evening with friends (it's never too late for coffee). I hope that once in awhile you think of me. I wonder about you. Will you like adventure? Because I do. Discovering new cities and towns and forests are all exciting to me. I like camping, but I won't complain about a five-star hotel.

I hope we'll go dancing. Not all the time, of course, but sometimes. Your future wife loves to dress up in beautiful clothes and run around the town. She may have dreamed of romantic evenings on the Eiffel Tower (you can ask her friends for the details, because they've planned every minute). Will you stand next to me and tell me I'm beautiful when it's been a long week and we're both exhausted?

I'm a dreamer, F.H. And I look forward to the day when we can dream together.

Love, Your Future Wife

When I posted a few of these letters on my blog, I received some criticism. People thought I was looking to "dream up" my ideal man. But I was actually beginning to dream about what I might be like as a wife. I began to make the connection between my character now and how that could play out in marriage.

Am I truthful? Do I express my needs and wants in a healthy manner? Do I communicate openly or hide my true feelings in order to maintain peace? Do I need to be verbally affirmed or is getting help with the dishes what fills my love tank?

Exploring who God created me to be will help me to be honest with my future spouse and myself prior to entering into marriage. This self-awareness can help me go into marriage with the right expectations. Proverbs 31 says that a wife of noble character does her husband good all her life. This doesn't mean you need to act like a wife before you've even hit puberty. It does mean the choices I make now — and the attitudes I choose to foster — will impact my future husband. 

Dear Future Husband,

Confession time. I've hopped onto a dating app or two, but not for long. It's just not you. And I've dated a couple of guys. They were nice, but all they've done so far is point me to the kind of man I'm really looking for. I'm grateful for what I've learned from them.

I'm also grateful for the women in your life. Maybe you're with someone right now. I pray for her, that she holds your heart with honor and prays for her future husband the way I pray for you. I hope she teaches you things about yourself that bring you closer to me. I hope that you treat her like the image-bearer of God that she is. Who knows, we may have daughters one day. Let's show them how to honor the men in their lives, including their future spouses.

I can't wait to meet you.

Love, Your Future Wife

Writing these letters has allowed me to mentally prepare for the day my singleness ends. A therapist once asked, "What are you doing today that is stopping you from your tomorrow?" At first I considered this question in relation to my physical health. But as I began to write to my future husband, I realized that this exercise showed me habits I had developed that could possibly prevent me from getting married.

I had stopped showing interest in guys because I couldn't immediately see how they fit into my life plan. Instead of exploring a relationship, I would immediately close off. By opening up in letters I was able to open up in real life. Writing my DFH posts has sent me on a journey of exploration. They often come from moments of vulnerability or hilarious mistakes, but each post I compose reveals more about my heart and who I am.

Dear Future Husband,

I sit here excited about that moment I'll know you're mine. Pensive as I wonder how we will fight, how we will handle tough moments. I hope I am doing the things that are preparing me to be your wife. Sometimes, when I wake up in the night, I pray I will be the kind of woman who brings out the best in you.

For now I will keep wondering and hoping and praying. And looking forward to the day I hear you say, "Hey, Babe. It's me."

Love, Your Future Wife

I have no idea who I'm going to marry. I may have already met him, or maybe he is riding a slow turtle lost in a meadow. I didn't used to be the girl who prayed for her future husband. But as I continue to write these notes, I get more and more excited about what the future may hold. Each time I post one of these notes, I pray.

I pray that God is working on my purpose, my heart and me. I pray that I am receptive to the man God has for me. I pray that my heart stays guarded, but soft. I pray because prayer gives me strength. Psalm 34:15 says, "The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry" (NIV).

As I pray, I know that although my hubby isn't here yet, if it is the desire of my heart, God hears and will always comfort me. Writing to my future husband has built my relationship with God. Many people I know have given up hope that He cares at all about who they marry. I believe that He cares deeply, and I don't need to do anything in particular to get a husband. I simply have to run the race God has for me and be the woman He created me to be.

Maybe one day I will show my husband all these posts. Maybe we'll laugh as I'm making him endure another car ride while I belt out the Hamilton soundtrack or when I hog all the pillows because I got used to sleeping alone. Maybe he will find me through these posts and we will laugh at the irony. Who knows? What I do know is that when we find each other it's going to be the adventure of a lifetime.

Copyright 2017 Michelle Plett. All rights reserved. 

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