Celebrating Female Sexuality

2590_smallMy husband and I made commitments to abstinence when we were in middle

school — seven years before we met. We made our decisions from the heart, but

also out of duty to what was right and expected of us. This promise was easy to

make at age 12, but combatting deep sexual desire wasn’t far behind. The

temptations grew with age and relationship.

Over the past few months, we have had several opportunities to share the

somewhat rare story of our abstinent lives leading to our marriage. Most

conversations end posing the questions “why” and

“how?”  We both explain our elementary decisions with elementary

answers: “Because God says so.” But we have been discovering this answer isn’t

enough. Although it worked in our middle school minds, it doesn’t hold much

ground in our current culture where men and women are delaying marriage longer

and longer.

In today’s article “Sexy Single Women,” author Mary Kassian does a

great job in explaining how a single woman can celebrate and live out her


The answer to why abstinence is important is rooted deeply in the answer to

why sex is important. We can’t fully understand abstinence until we fully

grasp why God created sex and what it stands for. “We can’t hope to get our

sexuality right until we get our theology right,” Kassian says.

The union of marriage was created to give us a tangible picture of Christ

and the church, to help us grip the commitment and unity involved in this bond.

Sex is much more than icing on the cake; Kassian calls it the definition of


Through sex a husband and wife affirm in the

private realm what has taken place in the public and heavenly realm… Sex bears

witness that God has made two one.

Sex is God’s way of sealing the deal, allowing for a deep intimacy, safe

only in the confines of marriage. Sex binds the union of man and wife.

“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure…” (Hebrews

13:4a). But here some beg the question of why only man and wife.

Kassian responds, “If unmarried individuals are physically intimate, they tell

a lie with their bodies. They testify that a covenant union has taken place,

when in fact it hasn’t.”

Sex within marriage is important because it is a picture of our union with

God. When we disrespect our purity and disgrace the definition of marriage, we

not only disgrace our bodies and the body of our partner, but we are using

God’s temple to outwardly disgrace Him and His covenant with us. “Flee from

sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but

whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body” (1

Corinthians 6:18).

Kassian next introduces an idea that was new to me and one I wish I had

understood when I was single.

Singles have a unique role to play in telling the

story of Jesus. When, by your sexual chastity, you display the story of the

church faithfully waiting for her coming Groom, the whole community benefits.

Just as much as sex is a symbol, Kassian would argue that abstinence

portrays the same idea.

To manage your sex drive and delight in sexual

continence, you need to understand that sexual restraint is as much and as

valid of an expression of the meaning of sex as the sexual act itself.

What a great exploration into the “how” question of abstinence. When a single woman begins

to comprehend the significance of sex within marriage and abstinence outside of

marriage, making the right choices becomes less about rules and limits, but

about commitment and testimony. How we as women live out our sexuality tells a

story about what we believe to be true about our Savior. If we value these

gifts of God, both marriage and singleness, our actions will be an outpouring

of our love story with Him.

Married or single, we all possess the responsibility to tell this story and

to uphold our sexuality as the beautiful gift God created it to be.

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