Do You Have a Friendgirl?

I love the refreshingly honest way in which Joshua Rogers throws down tough-to-handle truths. And today’s featured article “Your Friendgirl Deserves Better” is no exception. In it, Rogers tackles the buddy relationship, friendlationship, pseudo relationship — whatever you wish to call it — but this time with a charge specifically to men. He begins by describing a conversation he had with a young guy who was spending lots of time with a girl he had no intention of dating.

He’s like so many young men who are “just friends” with single, young women who believe the relationship might actually be going somewhere. At best, these guys are unwittingly part of a relationship that deceptively looks like a good deal for both parties. At worst, they’re willfully blind to the ways they feed a relationship that largely just benefits them.

So in a way, it’s a classic case of friends with benefits, only in the cases Rogers is referring to, the benefits stop short of the sexual variety. Which is maybe why Christian guys think these pseudo relationships are OK. But Rogers goes on:

If you’re one of these guys, it’s time for a wake-up call. It’s time to recognize that there’s something more important at stake here than your convenient relationship with your friendgirl. What’s at stake is her heart.

He then provides a helpful checklist for discovering if you have a friendgirl:

You might have a friendgirl if you’re friends with a woman you never intend to marry and . . .

  • You know she’s interested, but you figure that as long as you don’t kiss her, she will understand that the relationship is platonic.
  • People ask if you’re dating her, and you act surprised every time.
  • You’ve had to sheepishly explain that she’s “like a sister” to you.
  • You think that defining the relationship means passively aggressively hinting that you’re not into her.
  • When she calls you, you hang out with her if it’s convenient.
  • When you call her, she drops everything to be with you.
  • You justify continuing to hang out with her — despite being uninterested — because, well, you never know, maybe an attraction will eventually develop.

Having experienced being the friendgirl, that list made me cringe. There’s a lot of great food for thought in this article, but the bottom line for men with a friendgirl? Rogers says either make her your girlfriend or break up with her. She deserves a man who will actually pursue her — not someone who’s biding his time until the woman he really wants comes along. Like I said, tough truth to handle. But truth nonetheless.


About the Author

Suzanne Gosselin
Suzanne Hadley Gosselin

Suzanne Hadley Gosselin is a freelance writer and editor. She graduated from Multnomah University with a degree in journalism and biblical theology. She lives in California with her husband, Kevin, who is a family pastor, and her four young children: Josiah, Sadie, Amelia and Jackson. When she’s not hanging out with her kids, Suzanne loves a good cup of coffee, conversation with friends, musical theater and a trip to the beautiful California coast.