How do you involve parents in a courtship when they live far away?

Question

Most of what I have read recently on the issue of relationships emphasizes the need for family involvement and accountability. As a senior in college I live over 500 miles away from my family and over 60 miles from my girlfriend’s family. Because of the distances involved I have not even met her father or mother. How, in the current era of moving around so far, can a person stay accountable to family?

Answer

The principle is not just accountability and respect for
parental authority, but also mentorship, guidance, community
and even blessing. These are the things that help give a
relationship context, and they serve to tie a couple to something
larger than just isolated couple-hood.

Parents serve as that first line of context, and when they are
not physically present (due to distance, as in your case, or
maybe because they’ve passed away, as in the case of a single
friend of mine) then you must be creative in finding ways to
fulfill the role they would usually play. You need to “adopt” some
local parents who will fulfill that role (my wife and I serve in that
role for one of our young female friends, who is in her 30s and
both parents have passed away).

Take great care in choosing who that will be in your life
— you want people who have a strong, solid track record
of authentic faith, a vibrant marriage and family life, and who
will take their role as “local parent” seriously. Additionally, your
relationship needs a faith community context, so find a local
body of believers that will be your extended family and get
plugged in and involved in the body life. This, by the way, is the
same advice I’d give to the single person who’s not in a
relationship.

Finally, 60 miles is one hour’s drive. I used to have a longer
commute to work than that. Load up the car soon and go meet
her parents.

Blessings,

JOHN THOMAS

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About the Author

John Thomas

John Thomas has been a Boundless contributor since its beginning in 1998. He and his wife, Alfie, have three children and live in Arkansas, where he serves as executive director of Ozark Camp and Conference Center, a youth camp and retreat center.