Question
I attend an Independent Baptist Church in Sydney, Australia. The pastor and his family are American. The pastor has four lovely sons, and I have fallen hopelessly for the eldest son. He is the most Christ-like, gentle, kindest, sweetest young man I have met.
I’m attracted to him so much that whenever he walks by, my heart feels like it goes to honey; if there were any man I would want to marry, it would be him.
What should I do about it? I mean I have prayed and tried to commit it to the Lord, but these strong feelings will not leave. Am I obsessing too much about him and marriage? Candice, I really need help with this one! What is a girl to do when there is a handsome saved gentleman who crosses her path every Sunday and Tuesday and crosses her mind in between?
Answer
A couple of questions before I answer your question: How old are you? Are your parents part of your church body? Does this young man know you — are you friends?
Regardless of your answers, what you shouldn’t do is pursue him. If, however, you are of marrying age, are in a position to get married, and are not too much older than he is, then you can rejoice that you know a godly man who makes your heart melt. Ready? Close your eyes and smile. And sigh. Enjoy it. It’s a wonderful feeling — one many single women are still waiting to experience.
Enjoy, but don’t obsess. You need a game plan, some action to get you moving in the right direction in the event he feels (or could feel) the same way about you.
For starters, be his friend. He’s your brother in Christ, and simple kindness can go a long way toward building a relationship. Do you share common interests? Pursue them. When I first met Steve and my heart turned to honey (I love that metaphor), I found out what book he was reading, and I started reading it too so we’d have something to talk about. It was a far cry from taking the lead in the relationship. But it was an intentional and strategic way to “roll out the red carpet.” You don’t want to remove the risk — the man needs to be the one to initiate. But your kindness sends the message that you’re worth risking for.
After that, relax. Enjoy the friendship and see what happens. Don’t obsess and don’t stalk.
But don’t stop there. If your parents are part of the church and you have a good relationship with them, confide in them. Ask them what they think about your suitability (and his) for marriage in general and to him in particular. If your parents aren’t part of your church body, aren’t believers, or aren’t interested in helping you marry well, find another older married couple you admire and respect. Ask for their input. And ask for their prayers. You can agree together for God’s wisdom as well as for your ongoing spiritual development.
Be open to mentoring and the challenges mentors bring to your life.
Even if this young man ends up marrying someone else, you’ll be a stronger believer and a better potential wife when the right man does come along.
I wish you well,
CANDICE WATTERS
Copyright 2008 Candice Watters. All rights reserved.
