Have you ever felt your prayers were unheard, only to realize months — or years — later they were being answered in ways you couldn’t see?
When many of my friends sought short-term relationships, I wanted a life-long commitment, often daydreaming about my future wife and our family. But after years of praying for the Lord to reveal my bride, I wondered if I would ever marry.
By 25, I was scared and seriously doubting I would find a wife. I was dating a girl at the time, and though she seemed like my last hope, I knew we were about to break up; the relationship just wasn’t right. I didn’t settle, but continued to pray.
Perhaps you are where I was. You feel time is running out for your happily ever after, but know the idea of staying in a bad relationship to avoid being alone or for the sake of getting married is not the definition of love or longevity.
I’ve seen too many people make the mistake of seeing a potential mate for who they want them to be instead of who they are. Imaginations of marital bliss are fine and expected, but future realities can be seen in today’s behaviors, not tomorrow’s hopes. Compromising only makes lifelong commitment difficult and always leaves you wondering what could have been.
Preparation in the waiting
Since I didn’t want to force a relationship and was well aware of my own shortcomings, I decided to improve the one thing I knew I could control – me.
People attract what they already are. Too often singles expect others to be what they are not or fill in the gaps where they are personally lacking. Great relationships have complementary strengths and weaknesses for balance, but it doesn’t remove the responsibility to always strive for self-growth.
Rather than spending time thinking about who I wanted my future wife to be, I put that energy into learning and growing into the person God wanted me to be. Before I could be a husband who loves his wife as Christ loves the church, I had to be a man who loves the Lord.
The foundation you build in Christ now will be the foundation of your future marriage. It’s what you will lean on when you experience hardships and your vows are tested.
Trust God’s timing
During this time of waiting on God’s answer, I still doubted whether marriage was in my future. But I continued to pray, trusting the Lord’s goodness and timing.
Then something unexpected happened. Through a simple introduction by my sister, I met Missy. She was kind, beautiful, and shared the faith and values I had been praying for in a wife. As we talked, I learned that for years she had been spending time at her aunt’s house — right next door to my parents’ home.
How could I have failed to see her as I drove by? Why did I never meet her when I spent time with my parents? It seemed almost unimaginable that all those years praying for my future wife, she was right next door.
Answered prayers are often close, yet unseen. Sometimes they’re even forfeited because we trust our feelings rather than the Lord’s plan.
Maybe you’re reading this and longing for the perfect person to walk into your life. Like me, maybe you’re on the verge of giving up. I can’t stress to you enough the importance of waiting and trusting the Lord’s timing. As you wait, focus on self-growth that will develop you into a God-honoring, loving spouse. Identify areas in which you need to mature. Live your life in a manner that is honoring to God and your future spouse. Grow closer to the Lord and trust Him with the longings of your heart.
Perseverance is critical in life. Because I waited for Missy and the partnership God had for us doesn’t mean our life together has been easy. We’ve endured difficult times together; the death of parents, a child with an incurable disease, and countless months in and out of hospitals are just sips of the pain we have shared. We have been broken financially, emotionally and even spiritually, but we never gave up because love never quits.
I can’t imagine doing life with anyone but Missy, and I can’t imagine what my life would’ve been like had I decided to shortcut God’s timing. I hope my story encourages you. Stand strong. Pray, grow, and wait. While the waiting may be difficult now, it is worth it.
Copyright 2025 Jay Lowder. All rights reserved.
