How can I let a guy know I’d like to spend more time with him?

I don't want to be forward or rejected if he doesn't see me the same way. How do I proceed?

Question

In the past year I met a guy that I am not only attracted to, but who’s also a godly man who is desirous of a family.

Here is where my problem comes in: We know each other through my best friend who is dating his best friend. I have never really spent time alone with him, but we do spend time together as some combination of the four friends. I would like to get to spend more one-on-one time with him to get to know him better personally, but I don’t want to be forward or rejected if he doesn’t see me the same way. How do I proceed?

Answer

Thanks for writing! I don’t see your situation as a problem, but an opportunity. You’re already in a good (and for many of our readers, desired) position of being able to spend time with the man you’re falling for. Though this will take some self-control on your part, I do believe your role is to wait on him to take the lead. Carolyn McCulley has said “women exercise trust in God by waiting to be pursued, men exercise trust in God by risking rejection.” Certainly, you should be praying for him that he will be up to the challenge of moving the relationship forward, but what you should not do is try to move it forward yourself.

One of the benefits of this waiting is that it has the potential to refine your character and your ability to trust in God.

That said, I would suggest that you pray for discernment about where the relationship is headed and has the potential to go. Your situation at present is promising, but do be careful that you don’t let it languish too long.

You may not be the one to move it forward, but you do have the ability to prevent it from stagnating. If he seems unwilling, after a reasonable amount of time, to move it forward and seems content to enjoy your companionship and budding relationship without any intention of making it official, then at that point, your best course of action would be to spend less time, not more, with him.

Again, this is not where you are today, but you may be there in the weeks to come. For more on that, you may want to read an article I wrote earlier this year, and something Suzanne wrote a couple of years back.

My counsel, for now, is simply, enjoy your time together and let your character and the fruit of the Spirit in you shine through.

Every blessing,

CANDICE WATTERS

Copyright 2009 Candice Watters. All rights reserved.

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About the Author

Candice Watters

Candice Watters is a wife, mom, and Bible teacher. She is the author of Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help it Happen, co-founder with her husband, Steve, of Boundless.org and co-author of Start Your Family: Inspiration for Having Babies. They have four children and blog at FamilyMaking.com.

 

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