How can I make new friends?

Question

I’m single, female, and a recent college graduate. My teaching job took me to a new area of the country, far away from friends and family. After nearly a year, I still feel disconnected. Sometimes loneliness threatens to engulf me. My church is large, and all of the people I have met are wonderful, yet every conversation seems so superficial. I’ve participated in small group fellowships, and I like the women in them, yet they all focus their time on their marriages or families. Though I happily serve in the nursery taking care of 2 year olds several times a month, that doesn’t connect me with adults either. When weekends arrive, I find myself sitting in my apartment, perhaps doing take-home work from my job just to stave off the loneliness. This is hard. I’d welcome any advice you can give.

Answer

Your attitude is so good, and you are already doing so many of the right things. The most obvious thing, however, you aren’t yet doing: Find places to serve Christ where other young singles are serving Christ! If the small group fellowship you’ve tried is dominated by young marrieds, then try another. Taking care of 2-year-olds during worship is wonderful, but there must be other ministries that would put you in contact with adults. How about helping in adult Christian education? How about cooperating with other young adults in outreach to the poor? If your church doesn’t have a Young Professionals group, you could even talk with your pastor about starting one. The answer is right under your nose.

Peace be with you,

PROFESSOR THEOPHILUS

Copyright 2006 Professor Theophilus. All rights reserved.

About the Author

J. Budziszewski

Professor J. Budziszewski is the author of more than a dozen books, including How to Stay Christian in College, Ask Me Anything, Ask Me Anything 2, What We Can’t Not Know: A Guide, and The Line Through the Heart. He teaches government and philosophy at the University of Texas, Austin.