How do I deal with lust as a single woman?
I have read several of your articles and have concluded that right now is my time to grow in my relationship with God — not wasting my singleness. Time for me to learn to love and cherish my family and friends, time to become a virtuous woman that a man would want to marry and people would want in their life. Well I’m on my way, but how do I combat these not so pure feelings and longings?
I desperately want to be pure before God. I know I need to get involved in church, and I’m in the process of doing that. Also, I have cut out most of the music and media that “trigger” these feelings. I pray, but it even happens when I’m praying.
Help me please!
For starters, it’s great to hear that you’re in the process of getting involved with church and have already cut out most of the music and media that trigger your lust. Keep going! Join your church, and where music and media are a problem, don’t settle for “most.” If it’s tempting, you should get away from all of it.
I’m wondering what you mean by lust. Do you mean that you feel yourself desiring sexual intimacy in general (as in, at certain times of the month and based on hormonal shifts in your body, the idea of sex sounds appealing)? Or do you mean that you’re thinking about a particular man and entertaining sexual fantasies?
I do think this is a key distinction. The first example has everything to do with how God designed us for marriage and child bearing and is a powerful incentive to be intentional in your efforts to marry well. The second example has everything to do with our sin nature.
It’s true that the enemy that would love to destroy our souls works overtime to take our design and warp it toward sin. So there’s a fine line between scenario one and two, but there is indeed a line.
If it’s scenario one, then church membership and guarding your thoughts are a great start. I would also suggest adding to that concentrated prayer for a mate and God’s transformation of your life as well as intentionality in your relationships with men.
If you’re imagining yourself married to a certain man and there is a possibility that could happen, that’s worthy of prayer, too. Not obsession, but prayer. But if you’re imagining yourself having sex with him (or no one in particular), then that’s a matter of submitting your thought life to the Lord.
I pray He will purify your thoughts and empower you to act in obedience.
Copyright 2009 Candice Watters. All rights reserved.
About the Author
Candice Watters is a wife, mom, and Bible teacher. She is the author of Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help it Happen, co-founder with her husband, Steve, of Boundless.org and co-author of Start Your Family: Inspiration for Having Babies. They have four children and blog at FamilyMaking.com.