My boyfriend lives with me. What should I do?


I am a 21-year-old college junior. I’ve had an interesting path, with some stumbles where I fell away from my parents and dabbled in some not-so-good things. During that time, though, I never lost my faith and always looked to God for help and guidance. He brought me through, restored my relationship with my family, returned me to school, put me in an amazing church, and blessed me in ways that seem impossible.

My problem is that during my time of confusion, my boyfriend moved into my apartment. Although we’re not sexually active, I know people who believe that we are (fair enough). We have our own rooms and our own busy, full lives, and we totally love each other. We both are very active in our church. We’ve both straightened up a lot of things in our lives. Even so, I know that it’s not good that we live together.

What should we do? We think we should wait to get married until after I graduate from college. But since we want to be together, should we get married sooner and make our living situation more righteous? Or do we need to move apart for a while to renew ourselves? I just want us to stand before God as two people who humbly love each other and don’t want to be promiscuous. I know I wouldn’t want my daughter to live with her boyfriend. I would appreciate your advice.


My dear, the tone and content of your letter show with great clarity that you already know what you should do, and that you also know the reasons. All you need now is to do it. Your boyfriend needs to move out right away. If it takes him a little while to find a permanent place, then in the meantime he should stay with a male friend — not with you. God bless you. I don’t think you need me to say any more to you than this, because the picture is clear to you already. The other things will take care of themselves.

Grace and peace,


Copyright 2002 Professor Theophilus. All rights reserved.

About the Author

J. Budziszewski

Professor J. Budziszewski is the author of more than a dozen books, including How to Stay Christian in College, Ask Me Anything, Ask Me Anything 2, What We Can’t Not Know: A Guide, and The Line Through the Heart. He teaches government and philosophy at the University of Texas, Austin.