Question
I have a question regarding faith, most specifically on discerning God’s will. There’s a bit of back-story to this question, so I’ll go through that first.
I’m a sophomore in college, and serve in high school Young Life (faith-based outreach built on relationships). Last year, there was a fellow Young Life leader of mine with whom I became very close, since we had school around the same times and were the only friends we had at our school.
Anyway, she was engaged at the time, but started telling me about some of the troubles she and her fiancé were going through. She eventually ended up baring her heart out to me, and we developed feelings for one another. We “dated” (by that I mean, we hung out at school and around town) just about every school day for roughly two weeks or so. We never did anything of a sexual nature and kissed once before she realized she was wronging her fiancé and broke off all ties to me rather abruptly.
The thing is, ever since that time, I have had this overbearing sense that I believe to be God telling me that He wants me to wait for her. She got married this past summer, and we haven’t talked since, though I see her rarely at school.
So I guess my formal question would be, is it wrong to believe God is telling me to essentially wait for a divorce or some other tragedy-type situation? I have seen many signs since, and test each and every one against Scripture to see if they’re from Satan, but all of them check out. And now, when I ask God to basically destroy that notion if it’s not from Him, I don’t feel anything, so I continue on.
Answer
I don’t know what Scriptures you are testing these “signs” against, but they aren’t the Scriptures I’m reading.
Maybe you’re too close to the situation to hear what you’re saying, so let me put it into fresh perspective. You are telling me that the God who said, “What God has joined together, let not man separate” — this same God who hates divorce — this same God who has specifically told you not to covet your neighbor’s wife — is telling you to trust in a divorce (or death) so that you can have your neighbor’s wife.
What you think you’ve heard from God puts you in the bizarre position of cheering for what God hates and being dependent upon someone else’s death or divorce so that you can obtain what you believe is ultimately yours. Add children to that mixture, and the tragedy grows even more. I can’t in my wildest imaginations believe that what you think you’ve heard is from God. You have God speaking out of both sides of His mouth, and He does not do that.
All cheering for you and her to get together was over when she made a lifelong-until-death-do-us-part covenant with someone else. Your obligation, and everyone’s obligation now, is to cheer for them to have the most amazing, God-glorifying marriage possible.
Your emotions are seriously clouding your thinking, which they were already doing while she was engaged to another man. What you did then was bad enough; now she’s married and you’re still emotionally connected. It’s time — past time — to let her go and live her life with her husband and for you to move on with yours.
The fact that God hasn’t “destroyed that notion” does not at all mean it is of Him. Truth is not based on “notions,” rather, we judge our “notions” by the Truth. You’ve got a case of vertigo: Your emotions have you thinking that you are flying right-side up, but your instrument panel (Scripture) is telling you you’re upside down. Trust the Scripture, make adjustments based on Truth, and soon your “feelings” will come into line with it.
It sounds like what you’re experiencing is more along the lines of fantasy than Scripture. You allowed your heart to fall for an engaged girl — forbidden fruit — and went as far as to kiss her, which might not be intercourse, but it’s not a high-five either. You allowed yourself to fantasize about how the two of you might possibly end up together, even if she followed through with her marriage, which she did. Now you want to believe with all your heart that this can still work out. And, voilà, by death or divorce (and only then if he commits adultery or walks away as an unbeliever) she’s yours, free and clear.
This girl made some mistakes with you, but she came to her senses, decided that God was leading her into marriage with her fiancé, and did the right thing by breaking ties with you immediately. She has moved on with God’s plan for her life, and you need to do the same. Any time that you’re around her with these “notions” in your head only heightens the possibility of emotional and physical adultery. You need to run from that as far as you can, or this could get much, much worse than you ever imagined. Trust God, and let her go.
Blessings,
JOHN THOMAS
Copyright 2008 John Thomas. All rights reserved.
