A guy whom I previously decided not to date told me recently that he feels I am the one God wants him to marry. I am a bit confused and bothered because I do not share this “revelation” at all. It seems to me that he is a bit immature in telling me this. His immaturity was exactly the reason why I decided not to start a relationship with him.
He definitely does not fit the “type” I have had in mind, but I would like to follow God’s will. How do I know if this is God’s will? How should I pray?
I think it would be freaky to have a man you’re not attracted to suddenly drop that “revelation” on you. My first thought is that this guy’s approach is evidence not of God’s revelation, but of manipulation. I suspect it made you even less inclined to spend any time with him. Whether he realizes it, his approach has had the opposite effect of what he intended.
I agree with my mentor who said, “God will not reveal to one person and not the other.” I would add, especially about something so critical as whom you decide to marry. What we know God has revealed, she said, “is that we are to pray for peace. In the absence of peace, you can be confident that this is not God’s will.”
Even if God did tell this guy what he thinks he heard, it seemed to lack the discernment to share that with you without first doing the work of pursuing you for courtship. It’s like he tried to do an end run around the appropriate process of winning your heart. He wants the reward without the work. If you’re going to have a change of heart toward him, it won’t be because he tells you that you should.
That said, there’s certainly no harm in asking God to show you if you should be open to this man as a potential suitor. I’d also ask God in prayer to show you if the way the young man handled his “revelation” was proof enough that he’s certainly not the right one and turn and go the other direction with due haste!
This isn’t a unique phenomenon. I’ve heard several similar stories over the years, from both women and men. One reader told me how she heard from God that He was preparing her to be a certain man’s wife. The only problem is that God apparently never told the man. He never pursued her as a girlfriend and eventually married another woman. Whether God speaks to us in prayer or in dreams — another common way people think they’ve heard from God about whom they should marry — I think the principle for both men and women is that when God is preparing to bring two believers together in marriage, He reveals that to both parties.
It’s possible, even likely, He will reveal it to each one at different times, but at some point in the process, both man and woman need to be convinced God is leading them toward the other. It’s not enough for one side to say God is doing so. Marriage is too important to make the decision based only on the testimony of another without sharing that same conviction. Even David, God’s anointed, asked the wise and beautiful Abigail to be his wife. (If anyone was privy to direct revelations from God, it was surely God’s anointed.) She agreed with dignity and humility, replying, “Here is your maidservant, ready to serve you and wash the feet of my master’s servants.”
I pray God will give you discernment about this and all opportunities you have for courtship toward marriage, and that He will inspire you to pray boldly for your future mate.
Copyright 2008 Candice Watters. All rights reserved.