“It’s just another way to feel rejected.”
After the high of the first few weeks of online dating, where the possibilities seemed endless and hope sprang up like daffodils in the spring, my friend was feeling discouraged. The matches who seemed promising but closed down contact with her, the requests from divorcees old enough to be her father, and the noncommittal guys who left the match active but never acted on it. It all added up to my friend feeling less hopeful about meeting someone than before she began. So she shut down her profile.
An article at WSJ online (“Scary New Dating Site: the Real World“) describes the disenchantment many singles feel with online dating:
Dear Lonely Hearts: Do you spend hours at your computer, clicking through pages of single people on online dating sites? Are you exhausted from tweaking your profile, updating your photos and emailing potential matches? Are you sick and tired of feeling rejected when so many of them don’t answer?
While the article doesn’t propose giving up online dating altogether, it suggests that singles take a break from trying to meet someone online and … wait for it … meet someone in person. Old school, right? But I think a lot of singles are ready for old school.
My own online dating experience was limited, mainly because I: (a) didn’t want to pay; and (b) sensed in myself a desire to take things into my own hands through online dating rather than trust God. So I did meet people the “old-fashioned way” as this article describes. Here are a few things that helped me and I encourage you to try:
Have lots of friends.
Friends introduce you to more friends, which can introduce you to potential mates. (In fact, when I first met my husband, Kevin, a friend and co-worker knew him, so I was able to gather some intel.)
I served in children’s ministry at my church, acted in an improvisational comedy troupe, and participated in the local running community. (See my article “Single While Active.”) Pursuing my interests allowed me to meet others who shared my passions.
Go out more; stay in less.
Whether a party, a church event, or meeting a friend for dinner or coffee, I regularly chose to go out and socialize rather than stay in with Netflix. (It was actually one such night when I ventured out at 9 to meet a friend at Starbucks that I met Kevin.)
The WSJ gives some really creative ideas for meeting people in real life, including “reverse stalking” (tell me you don’t want to know more about that!), volunteering more, and pretending you’re on vacation (smiling more and being relaxed). Basically, the article promotes a strategy for life where you are friendly, tuned in to the people around you, and open to meeting someone. I don’t know about you, but that seems a lot more appealing that staring at a computer screen.
Copyright 2015 Suzanne Hadley Gosselin. All rights reserved.