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8 Secrets That Will Make You a Great Date

Have you ever thought about how good you are at dating?

Dating can be an exciting time in life. Most of us think that if it’s the right person, dating will be easy, but that’s not necessarily the case. It’s possible to be a great catch, but really bad at dating.

Dating well involves many skills we can and should work on. Get good at dating. Even if it doesn’t work out with a particular person, make every person you date thankful for the time they spent with you.

Here are a few things that will make you a great date:

1. Thoughtful Questions

One of the best things you can do on a date is ask good questions. Use thoughtful questions to learn about your date. Ask them about accomplishments, trips, stories from their life, etc. Follow up with clarifying questions. Your goal is to demonstrate your interest in who they are and the life they’ve lived up until this point.

2. Active Listening

Pay attention to things you are learning about your date and look for opportunities to refer back to them later. Remembering things your date has shared with you shows them you care. If there is something on their mind during a date, make a mental note to ask them about it later. Most people have to work at active listening. If this is hard for you, write down a few things right after a date you want to be sure to remember.

3. Chivalry

This one is for the guys. Open doors. Pull out chairs. Take care of your date. Make sure she always feels safe when she is with you. Look for ways you can take care of her. If she doesn’t like being taken care of, that might be an important thing to have a conversation about.

4. Gratitude

Be grateful. Let your date know you are thankful for the time with them. If they do something for you, let them know you are appreciative. After a date with someone you want to see again, you might drop them a hand-written thank you note or email. It doesn’t have to be long or overly romantic to communicate you enjoyed the time. Thank you notes are classy.

5. Focused

During a date, don’t let yourself get distracted by what’s going on around you. Keep eye contact with your date. Some people have a bad habit of constantly scanning the room. This communicates you aren’t comfortable or aren’t interested in your date. Either way, focus on your date and the conversation.

6. Humility

Dating is not the time to brag on yourself. Your goal is to get your date talking about themselves. Show them you are more interested in them than sharing about yourself. There will be times to share about yourself, but have a confident humility. Subtly communicate to your date, “I like who I am, and I’ll be OK if you don’t.”

7. Sense of Humor

We can’t all be Jimmy Fallon, but laughing together is a good part of a good date. Dating should be fun, and humor will make your date feel comfortable with you. Watch for humorous moments. If you just don’t have a sense of humor, especially focus on the rest of this list.

8. Positivity

Your life probably hasn’t been all sunshine and roses, but on a date stay positive and optimistic. Even if you are sharing something painful or hearing about something painful, look for the bright side. Try to see and communicate the ways God might be using this difficulty for good. Overall, it’s wise to save tougher conversations for a time when your relationship can handle it. Dating isn’t a time to wallow in despair.

What are some other things that make someone a great date for you?

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About the Author

Andrew Hess

Andrew Hess is a Sr. Communications Specialist at Compassion International. He formally served as the director of content at the White Horse Inn and editor of His writing has also been featured on the Gospel Coalition. He lives in Colorado Springs with his wife Jen and their young son. Andrew and Jen met at the very first Boundless Pursuit conference at Focus on the Family in 2014.

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