Notice: All forms on this website are temporarily down for maintenance. You will not be able to complete a form to request information or a resource. We apologize for any inconvenience and will reactivate the forms as soon as possible.

Do Modest Men Get a Raw Deal?

You know you gotta read a story with a headline like “Why Modest Men Get the Brush-Off from Women.” And not only from women, says the Daily Mail: Employers, too.

The gist of it is that modest men are considered “too weak” by women and employers alike. They’re seen as “insufficiently confident and ambitious.” Says a study quoted by the Mail: “Men are still required to uphold masculine ideals that require chronic exhibitions of strength while avoiding signs of weakness.”

The story left me with unanswered questions. Though the headline invoked male-female relationships, the study itself focused on employment. And we never got a clear sense of how it defined “modesty”: You can be modest and strong or modest and weak. Big difference there.

But everyday experience says modest men do tend to get a raw deal. Plenty of people (both women and men) say they value modesty in men, and clearly, many if not most of them don’t mean it. In the workplace, they’re commonly passed over: In the romantic realm, they’re relegated to the role of “nice guys” and “just friends.” Not always, but all too often. If you’re a modest guy, you know what I mean. But you don’t have to be a modest guy to see it. You just need eyes.

The world tells men to be self-promoters. The Word has the opposite message. There’s no question which we should follow. But putting that into practice and living with the consequences brings all sorts of challenges and frustrations.

So let’s talk about it, guys. And you too, ladies: You can bless some guys with your support and encouragement.

Share This Post:

About the Author

Matt Kaufman

Matt Kaufman has been a columnist for Boundless since the site’s founding in 1998, and did a stint as editor in 2002-2003. He’s also a former staffer and current contributing editor for Focus on the Family Citizen magazine. Matt is a freelance writer/editor who spent some years in Colorado, but gave up the mountains for the cornfields: He now lives in his hometown of Urbana, home of the University of Illinois. His house is a five minute drive from the one where he grew up, and he enjoys daily walks around the park where he used to play baseball.

Related Content