For several years one of my guy friends has been telling me that the reason more Christian singles are not getting together is the “Prince Charming Syndrome.” Most women, he says, are waiting for their prince to come, and frankly, the average Christian guy can’t live up to that expectation.
Recently a married friend’s husband said, “Women need to give up on Prince Charming and look over and notice the perfectly good squire climbing the tower. He’s the one who’s actually doing something.”
But females aren’t the only ones with the wrong expectations. The same friend said this of his single 20-something brother: “I think he’s looking for the hot, female version of himself.”
This was not the first time I’ve heard these exact words in reference to what an eligible single Christian guy seemed to be looking for. So I asked my husband why this is so: “I think because guys connect through activities, they think it’s very important that a female share their interests. And, of course, they’re visual, so they’re looking for someone they’re attracted to.”
But just like a woman’s belief that her guy must be Prince Charming is unrealistic, a man’s expectation that a woman be the supermodel version of himself is equally unrealistic. Essentially, what we are looking for may not exist. And if it does, it may not even be the best thing for us. So where are these expectations coming from?
Love and Respect guru Dr. Emerson Eggerichs recently delivered a message at my church, and something he said stuck with me: “Christians today are more informed on love and relationships by ‘Holywood’ than the Holy Word.” His point: TV and movies are giving us an unrealistic view of what love and relationships are about. I touched on this in one of my articles:
We can be easily tricked into believing attraction is eyes meeting across the room in an electric jolt. When, in actuality, romance is more in line with Boaz hearing of Ruth’s outstanding character, noticing her in the field, pouring out special favor on her, protecting her from his men and ultimately becoming her kinsman redeemer. As you can see, the second romantic scenario contains far more substance than the first.
The root of the issue is who or what is informing your picture of the ideal mate? And is an unrealistic expectation holding you back from considering someone who might be really great for you? I’ve heard countless stories of people having to get over something they weren’t anticipating in their future mate: age, weight, level of education, job status, varying interests. But these individuals got past those differences and now have happy, fulfilling marriages.
If these people hadn’t “settled” for something different than they had in mind, they would have missed out. So, ladies, is it time for you to kill your “Prince Charming” image of your future mate and give the squire a chance? Guys, do you need to let go of waiting for a gorgeous girl who shares your every interest to appear? There might be a lot more marriages made if we did.
