To the Man Who’s Looking for a Smokin’ Hot Wife

man and wife
As a man, looking for a hot wife isn't bad, but parading around your attractive girlfriend or spouse speaks to deeper problems.

Dear Man Who’s Looking for a Smokin’ Hot Wife,

First of all, let me tell you that I understand. I do. You want an attractive woman to fall in love with and marry. You hope that one day you will delight in your wife’s appearance as much as her character and personality. In fact, there really would be no point in marrying a woman you don’t find attractive.

I get it.

The Hot Wife

This whole “hot Christian wife” thing has taken off in recent years. Pastors have been criticized for calling their wives hot from the pulpit and on social media. And I recently heard a speaker say that clearly Ruth was “hot” or Boaz would not have considered her to be his bride. But what’s the big deal? Shouldn’t Christian men, as much as anyone, appreciate the beauty of their wives?

In “Stop Calling Your Wife Hot,” Barnabas Piper explains the trouble in the trend:

Fellas, calling your wife hot to other people is awkward. We can’t agree with you. That would be really weird. We can’t disagree with you. That would be really mean. Ignoring you is rude, but it’s probably our best option in this case. Do you really want us trying to determine if your wife is, in fact, hot? I’m glad you think she’s a 10. You should. But calling attention to her hotness doesn’t honor her as much as it creates an opportunity for others to judge.

So it’s not wrong to look for a woman that you find attractive. It’s not even wrong to think your wife is “smokin’ hot” and to tell her so (every girl loves a good compliment). But keep in mind that the term can appear to reduce a woman to one facet, and not all of us feel like we measure up. Why not look for someone who is lovely, wise, kind, funny and a whole combination of wonderful attributes? And then when you have her, praise her for more than her external beauty.

Beyond Beauty

The Proverbs 31 husband — yes, it’s a thing, look it up — praises his wife not for her physical beauty but also for her excellent accomplishments. And his praise is immediately followed by a verse that tells us external beauty isn’t all that important.

Piper writes:

It is a great thing to honor your wife publicly. It’s good for people to know your devotion to her and how much you love her. It’s good for people to know you are attracted only to her and want only her. But keep the hotness talk inside the walls of your home. That’s between you and her.

And I would add, if you’re single and looking for a wife, start using discretion now. Look beyond physical appearances and praise your female friends for aspects other than their looks. Talk about the variety of characteristics you’re looking for in a wife. And when your future bride arrives on the scene, make a concentrated effort to notice her inner beauty as much as her outward appearance.

Copyright 2016 Suzanne Hadley Gosselin. All rights reserved.

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About the Author

Suzanne Gosselin
Suzanne Hadley Gosselin

Suzanne Hadley Gosselin is a freelance writer and editor. She graduated from Multnomah University with a degree in journalism and biblical theology. She lives in California with her husband, Kevin, who is a family pastor, and her four young children: Josiah, Sadie, Amelia and Jackson. When she’s not hanging out with her kids, Suzanne loves a good cup of coffee, conversation with friends, musical theater and a trip to the beautiful California coast.

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