My friends who are girls tend to ask, “Why don’t guys pursue girls more often?” They get frustrated and angry because men don’t have enough courage to ask them out. My typical answer is this: “It’s just not that easy.” But that’s not good enough of an answer, is it? I’m going to attempt to give practical answers as to why guys don’t pursue.
1. A man’s pride is fragile.
It’s true; we don’t like to be told “no.” Rejection from a pretty girl takes a shot directly at a man’s pride. We would rather be 100 percent certain than take a risk at being rejected. In fact, sadly, before I ask out a girl, I tend to make certain that she would be interested. But not until I know, will I dare ask.
Charles Caleb Colton, an 18th-century English cleric and writer put it like this: “There is a paradox in pride: it makes some men ridiculous, but prevents others from becoming so.” Pride can make us ridiculous, but it can also save us from being rejected. We could be insanely in love with a woman, but our pride will prevent us from taking that so-called “leap of faith.”
2. A relationship changes everything.
I am on my path toward my career, pursuing God and BAM! I meet a girl. What am I to do? Drop everything and pursue? Forfeit my dreams and run full speed toward this girl?
The fact is relationships can be terrifying within a Christian realm. Rightfully so because relationships can lead to marriage and often very quickly. With marriage comes a heavy responsibility. If a guy is not ready for marriage, then it’s hard to realistically ask a girl out. Women tend to have a hard time grasping that. We, as men, would rather not deal with the mess of knowing it will ultimately fail in the end because we are not ready for marriage. This is the Christian dating cycle.
3. We don’t want to lose the friendship.
I’ve seen it over and over again. A guy asks a girl out; she rejects him. Friendship lost, community frustrated, and it’s the guy’s entire fault. It puts us in a really frustrating predicament. One could be absolutely crazy about a girl, but the pressure of the world is on that yes or no answer. Many times, the bad far outweighs the good. If rejected, that wonderful friendship (that guys actually appreciate) most likely takes a giant step back, and that community both of you are in will gain tension and awkwardness throughout. So what is a guy to do? Break up a community? Destroy a friendship?
These are three of many possible reasons why men do not ask women out. Let me make this very clear: These are not always good reasons, yet they are reasons, and they can and will play a part in the decision-making process.
In saying all this, I do believe men should still pursue. But women must remember that there is a lot of pressure on the man to pursue. And for the most part, we are happy to do it. Most Christian men want that responsibility. But with pursuit comes many intangibles that most men must think through before pursuit. Girls, understand it’s not just 1+1=2. We all wish it was that simple. We are not just shallow, emotionless beings. As a Christian, it can be a hefty decision even to ask a girl out. Stay patient, and allow the guy to pursue. Patience is the key.
Copyright 2011 Justin Hollabaugh. All rights reserved.
