Five years ago, my life changed.
After 31 years of being single, I got married. That was a big change. But, surprising to me, some things stayed the same. I still thrived on relational activities. I still struggled to keep my house clean. And I still disliked grocery shopping. I thought I’d magically develop a set of wifely characteristics, but I pretty much stayed me — just with some new responsibilities.
Then, a little over one year into marriage, our son was born, followed by his sister a year and half later, and another sister two years after that. I left my job to stay home, which was a big change. But some things stayed the same. I still craved feeling a sense of accomplishment each day. I still had an almost obsessive need to arrive to places on time. And I still disliked grocery shopping. I thought I’d magically develop a set of motherly characteristics, but I pretty much stayed me — just with some new responsibilities.
Five years after marriage, I am in such a drastically different place than I was half a decade ago, and it has all been such a gift. Still, a lot of things haven’t changed as much as I thought they would. I write about it in today’s featured article, “Some Things Never Change.” One aspect that hasn’t changed as much as I anticipated is my identity. I write:
When I got married, I thought that my ‘single girl’ identity was behind me. I imagined it would fade away and be replaced with my married alter ego. But five years in, I am realizing how my single years permanently shaped me.
As a wife and mother-of-three, I still maintain much of the identity I forged during my years of singleness. In some ways that benefits me (I’m a highly-motivated individual who can apply that motivation to caring for my family) and in other ways it can be a detriment (I have a hard time fitting into “mommy culture” and gaining friendship and support from other mommies). What’s important is that I know God did not waste those years. He used them intentionally to shape the woman I am today and equip me to be the wife and mother He intends me to be. The past five years have been a whirlwind (a joyful whirlwind). I could never have imagined all that was in store when I married Kevin. But I take comfort in the fact that God knew about it all along.
When you think forward to the day when you might be married and have children, what are some things you hope will change? What do you hope will stay the same?
