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The Lost Art of Meeting a Spouse

When it comes to finding your soul mate, lots has changed in the last several years. With the rise of online dating, over 30 million people are now looking for love online. In fact, online dating sites have now passed up every other way married couples meet, save one: being introduced by a mutual friend.

If you are looking for a spouse, one of the best things you might do is coach your friends in the fine art of matchmaking. Sure, it can be awkward for a friend to set  you up, but the potential reward is worth the risk. There are lots of ways friends can introduce you to a mutual friend. You might go to the same party or event and meet “randomly,” or you can meet him or her through a classic: blind dating. So here they are:

The Top 10 Ways To Make Your Next Blind Date Awesome

1.  Give your close friends and family permission to make thoughtful suggestions about who they think you should consider going out on a blind date with. These people know you and care for you. Trust they might offer some good suggestions.

2.  Keep an open mind. If you get suggestions and find yourself quickly refusing them all, be honest about your reasons (he/she worships the devil is a good reason; he/she drives a junky car may not be).

3.  Keep things light-hearted at first. One of the things that can ruin budding relationships quickly is being overly uptight. Relax! You don’t have to figure this out in the first three minutes (or even the first three dates). Meeting someone you don’t know for coffee or dinner can be fun, even if things don’t go anywhere. If things do work out, you will have an excellent story for teaching your future children about the mysterious sovereignty of God.

4.  Keep the initial conversation light. In college, we referred to the over-share as vomit-dating. Gross mental picture, I know. But resist the urge to tell your blind date about all your deepest, darkest secrets. Trust me, they really don’t care about that rash that just won’t clear up or your reoccurring dreams about evil clowns.

5.  Have some good questions ready. One of the easiest ways to ensure your initial conversation is free of awkwardness is to be prepared with a few good questions. Ask them about their hobbies, their family and things they like to do in their free time. Don’t ask them about personal quirks, medical history, preferred parenting styles or personal views on Calvinism (trust me).

6.  Don’t talk about your previous relationships (or ask them about theirs). Again, this might seem obvious, but it happens. Nothing makes people more uncomfortable than reminding them others have been where they are. Others you now avoid.

7.  Hope for the best. Prepare for the worst. It can be exciting to meet someone for the first time. Manage your expectations and resist the urge to look through all their Facebook pictures, imagining what your future children might look like. That’s just creepy and will make your date run for the hills.

8.  If your blind date goes terribly (and some will), resist the urge to roast him/her publicly. Sure, everyone loves a good blind date story. Some of them are hilarious, but try and keep them anonymous. Some blind dates will go well; some will go bad. Don’t scare off future dates with your stories of dating catastrophe.

9.  Don’t expect to have it all figured out immediately. Oftentimes a relationship takes time to develop. You don’t have to make an all or nothing decision. Guys, ask if you can call her sometime and get her number. Girls, give him your number if you want. Let time help confirm your feelings. Sometimes your first impressions won’t tell the whole story.

10.  Be honest after the date. Don’t promise you’ll call if you don’t plan to and don’t say you’d like to go out again if you really don’t. Just be honest. Hopefully, neither of you are emotionally invested yet. Being hopeful is one thing, letting your general happiness and contentment rise and fall with a person you just met is another.

There are other things to do and not to do on blind dates. We won’t all have to go on a blind date to meet our future spouses, but I think we shouldn’t discount it as a fun way to meet new people. So, relax and don’t get too worked up. Be yourself and have fun!

How about you? Anything you’d add to the list?

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About the Author

Andrew Hess

Andrew Hess is a Sr. Communications Specialist at Compassion International. He formally served as the director of content at the White Horse Inn and editor of His writing has also been featured on the Gospel Coalition. He lives in Colorado Springs with his wife Jen and their young son. Andrew and Jen met at the very first Boundless Pursuit conference at Focus on the Family in 2014.

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