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What Makes You Attractive?


The day I got married, I made an interesting discovery. My husband’s wedding ring was extremely attractive. Throughout our honeymoon, I’d catch myself staring at his ring finger and playing with his wedding band. He got a kick out of it because I literally could not keep my hands off it.

Now while I was on cloud nine from being a newlywed, I think subconsciously it’s a pull for all of us. We’re attracted to people who are taken. After my husband proposed, he couldn’t keep his hands off my engagement ring. He kept playing with it and moving it around in the light to watch it sparkle.

Maybe the two of us are just weird, but I think there’s something there. As a single woman, I’d often look at men in dating relationships and notice how wonderful they were. I’d try to make myself feel better by telling myself that all the good guys are already taken and that’s why no one was interested. But the truth is we all start in the same place. We all start out single.

I’ve been finding that attraction comes in different forms, and for me, it’s in a lot of the little things. When my husband squishes a bug for me, offers to lend me a hand in the middle of a disagreement or cooks me dinner, I find all those things attractive. For me, attraction comes with his servant’s heart and the way he loves me.

My biggest hope was always that I would get married. But I never felt like guys paid attention to me in that way. I had a lot of guy friends but no dates. I didn’t feel as physically attractive as the other girls I knew, and I didn’t feel all that desirable. It led to discontentment being single because I felt like something was wrong with me.

One of the best things I did for myself while I was single was coming to terms with my self worth. I wasn’t single because I wasn’t loved or because I wasn’t worth it. We tend to look at people in relationships as more complete, which leads us to feeling like something is wrong with us when we don’t have a date Friday night.

After my last relationship and before I met Josh, I felt like I wouldn’t ever find anyone else and that no man wanted me. I was left questioning whether I was worth it or whether I was attractive enough. Breakups can do that.

Instead of focusing on a relationship, I was left with myself. I spent that time getting to know God more and learning about who I am in Christ. I dug deeper into theological issues of interest and spent much of my time studying Scripture and talking about it. I gained more confidence in myself and realized that I was OK not being in a relationship. My relationship status did not define me or my worth.

My husband was attracted to that when he met me. I wanted a relationship so badly at the time, but I knew I didn’t have to be in one to be happy with myself.  I wasn’t placing my worth in whether or not I had a boyfriend. Because of that, my relationship was more of an intentional choice than a way to cope with loneliness or desire for companionship.

What makes you attractive? You are attractive because of your habits and quirks and different aspects of your personality. My husband was attracted to me for little things I didn’t even know I did. The focus for those seeking a pure relationship won’t be on physical beauty; although, it will be there. The right person will be drawn to you just as you are. Tweet This You don’t have to look like the people in magazines or act like the most popular person you know.

If you’re currently single and struggling with waiting, I encourage you to make a list of all the things that make you attractive. Not all the good people are taken. It just looks that way because when we’re single, we put people in relationships up on a pedestal and think they are somehow more special than we are. Waiting is much easier when you’re comfortable with who are as an individual and place your worth in that instead of your perception of how others view you.

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About the Author

Amy Kessler

Amy Kessler interned with the Boundless team in 2011 and is a journalism graduate from Biola University with a minor in biblical studies. She has experience in newspapers, magazines, blogging, social media and online content management. Amy lives in California where she works as a marketing assistant for a community college district and blogs about her spiritual life. She enjoys playing tennis, experimenting with HTML, and discussing marriage and relationships.

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