When my fiancé and I first started dating, our thoughts of what the future might hold quickly turned to who would move when the time came. By the time he proposed, we had it all figured out. He will make the move.
It was a battle of the wills for a while. The hard thing about long-distance relationships is that you have to figure out how to blend two separate lives from two separate cities. Two sets of friends. Two different jobs in different locations. Two different church communities.
When things get serious, it is generally the woman who moves to support the man in his career and joins his community. In marriage, a wife is called to support and encourage her husband, trusting that his decisions are for the good of the relationship and directed by God. A husband is to love his wife and care for her needs.
Chelsey Nugteren (a former Boundless blogger) recently wrote a post called “Moving and Submitting” in which she describes how her husband originally moved to support her in her career. After trying it out and seeing he was unhappy with his new job, she moved to support him in what he was called to do.
Her situation sounds similar to mine. We will have the same beginning outcome. And the ending? Well, that’s up to God.
Josh is from a thriving coastal town full of young people, and I’m from a small town in the middle of nowhere. The choice of who should move seems like it would be obvious, but it wasn’t.
Even though his town is nicer in terms of more people our age and things to do, I couldn’t leave mine. I love going to visit him, but I couldn’t bring myself to say I could move. It’s ironic because after college, I spent so much time trying to leave my hometown and move to a bigger city. Every effort to leave was thwarted. And now I really want to stay. I’ve settled down here, and my immediate family is all in one place again. Fortunately for me, Josh is in a place in his life where he feels a little bit unsettled and very well could pick up and move.
Shortly after Josh and I began dating, I landed a dream job that seemed as if it were handed to me by God. Along with the job came a program that would allow me to pursue a master’s degree paid for by my employer should I choose do to so. To do that, I would need to stay at least two years after completing all my units.
Fortunately Josh took that into consideration along with the fact that my brother recently moved back into town with his wife and two young children — my only niece and nephew. I couldn’t bear the thought of moving and missing out on watching them grow up. Also by moving, Josh will be closer to his family.
When we started dating, Josh had recently been laid off because the company he worked for was forced to close. He started building an income through a nutrition company by selling their whole food nutrition products as a distributor. It’s a job that allows him to work from anywhere. And by moving, he can expand his client base.
I was fortunate that while he said he could be happy living here short-term in the beginning, God changed his heart to wanting to move for the long-term. I have peace knowing that decision was made without any convincing on my part. He came up with all the reasons why it would be beneficial for him to move before I could give him any of my own.
I don’t think it’s enough to say the man should always move or the woman should always move. A husband and wife should support each other. It should be determined based on individual circumstances and where God is leading each couple. For now, God is leading us to my town, with my job and my family.
Pray for us as we prepare for his move in the coming months and diligently seek to secure a suitable job for him here before our wedding in May.
