What role do parents play in courtship?

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John Thomas

What role do parents play in courtship?

Jul 31, 2006 |John Thomas

I really appreciate all that Boundless has to offer. Of particular interest in our family lately have been the articles that pertain to courtship. This leads to my (hopefully not-too-basic) question: What role do parents play in courtship? When a young man comes to my husband and me to ask to court one of my daughters, what kinds of questions should we ask? Do we speak to them both together, or separately? Do we find out if our daughter wants to be courted by this man? I'm sure there are other things we need to find out, but I have yet to read about this issue from a parent's point of view.


Keep the big picture in mind and let that guide your actions and involvement. As a parent, you have not only the opportunity, but in many ways the obligation, to offer your blessing to your children who are entering this stage and beyond, a blessing that will last a lifetime.

That's much more than just saying, "We bless this relationship." It's offering guidance, within proper boundaries, and modeling the kind of relationship you'd like to see your children experience. It's helping them avoid the pitfalls you have experienced or seen others experience. It's cheering them on and helping them gain confidence as they navigate new waters.

As for specifics, think about what you wish someone had asked you, now that you have the benefit of hindsight. Ask him some questions that get him thinking, like, "What is it about our daughter that attracts you to her? What are some of the qualities you admire most about her? What do you hope to accomplish or discover during the courtship season? What steps will you take to seek God's guidance through this season? What are the things you are looking for to confirm that she is who you want to spend the rest of your life with? How will you be held accountable for purity during this season?"

His answers to those thought-provoking questions should give you a fairly good idea of his seriousness, and at the very least it will get him thinking about things that matter. And yes, you should make sure your daughter is on board, and that she too is being asked some of the same questions.


Copyright 2006 John Thomas. All rights reserved.


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