When I was 15, I felt it for the first time. The tears flowed, my world stopped, and hope slipped just out of my innocent reach. I had never experienced anything like it before, and I prayed to God that night I would never have to experience it again. My first broken heart.
I made a promise that night as I cried out to God in confusion and doubt. I promised that I would wait for the man that He wanted my heart to belong to. I would wait and pray for God to strengthen the heart that would one day possess mine.
Nineteen years and many heartbreaks later, I am still waiting.
I hate waiting rooms. Hospitals, dentists, walk-in clinics — you name it. They make me uncomfortable. They make me nervous. And sometimes, I even break out in a cold sweat. Why is that person ahead of me? I am hurting worse than she is… I need to see the doctor first. I’m not sure how much longer I can take this. What if the doctor doesn’t fix the problem? What if I have to endure this pain for life? It’s funny how these same thoughts and doubts can sometimes parallel the feelings we confront sitting in the waiting room of God’s will for our lives.
I’ve pondered (more than once) lately, why God is making me wait for marriage. I wonder why falling in love and getting married seems to come so easily for others around me. I wonder if there is something I have yet to learn, even after 19 years of fervent teaching. I sometimes even wonder if it is God’s will for me to marry at all. However, it is always in this thought that I am redirected to His promise of giving us the desires of our hearts (Psalm 37:4). Notice that God does not give us a timetable of when He will give us our desires, but He does promise to bring them to fruition if we trust and honor Him in our lives. In times of doubt and questioning, it is upon this promise I place my trust.
This morning as I read through my devotion, I was reminded of how much Joseph’s life was spent in the waiting room. God had promised Joseph that he would be a leader of his people (Genesis 37:5-11). But Joseph had to wait many days in the pit and prison before entering the palace. When Joseph was waiting, God was working. In the end, Joseph became not only a leader of his own people, but over the people of Egypt as well.
As I sit here writing this blog, I continue to wait for the man I began praying for late one night some 19 years ago. Even though time and life experiences have molded me into the woman I am today, my heart still holds true to the promise I made to God as a young girl: “May integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for You” (Psalm 25:21, ESV).
Adrian Myrick is in her 10th year as a public school teacher and enjoys encouraging others through her writing.
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