What role do parents play in courtship?

Question

I really appreciate all that Boundless has to offer. Of
particular interest in our family lately have been the articles that
pertain to courtship. This leads to my (hopefully not-too-basic)
question: What role do parents play in courtship? When a young
man comes to my husband and me to ask to court one of my
daughters, what kinds of questions should we ask? Do we speak
to them both together, or separately? Do we find out if our
daughter wants to be courted by this man? I’m sure there are
other things we need to find out, but I have yet to read about
this issue from a parent’s point of view.

Answer

Keep the big picture in mind and let that guide your actions
and involvement. As a parent, you have not only the opportunity,
but in many ways the obligation, to offer your blessing to your
children who are entering this stage and beyond, a blessing that
will last a lifetime.

That’s much more than just saying, “We bless this
relationship.” It’s offering guidance, within proper boundaries,
and modeling the kind of relationship you’d like to see your
children experience. It’s helping them avoid the pitfalls you have
experienced or seen others experience. It’s cheering them on
and helping them gain confidence as they navigate new
waters.

As for specifics, think about what you wish someone had
asked you, now that you have the benefit of hindsight. Ask him
some questions that get him thinking, like, “What is it about our
daughter that attracts you to her? What are some of the qualities
you admire most about her? What do you hope to accomplish or
discover during the courtship season? What steps will you take
to seek God’s guidance through this season? What are the things
you are looking for to confirm that she is who you want to spend
the rest of your life with? How will you be held accountable for
purity during this season?”

His answers to those thought-provoking questions should
give you a fairly good idea of his seriousness, and at the very
least it will get him thinking about things that matter. And yes,
you should make sure your daughter is on board, and that she
too is being asked some of the same questions.

Blessings,

JOHN THOMAS

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About the Author

John Thomas

John Thomas has been a Boundless contributor since its beginning in 1998. He and his wife, Alfie, have three children and live in Arkansas, where he serves as executive director of Ozark Camp and Conference Center, a youth camp and retreat center.