What should I do when people assume my friend and I are dating?

I don't know what to say to people when they ask me about "us." It's hard to admit to them that we're not dating when they all assume we are.


There is a guy in my church that everyone says is right for me. I totally agree, except we aren’t dating officially. We hang out together and have a great time. So many people are talking about us like we’re dating, but he hasn’t asked me yet. I don’t know what to say to people when they ask me about “us.” It’s hard to admit to them that we’re not dating when they all assume we are.

I’ve heard from several people about third-hand conversations that are going around about us. Some are referring to him as my husband, and I don’t know what to say when this happens. What can I do to let him know that I’m interested in a relationship? I’ve always thought that it’s the guy who’s supposed to do the asking, but I’m not sure.


There’s an article on Boundless that may help you figure out what your male friend is thinking. It’s called “Not Your Buddy.”

In addition to the great advice Suzanne gives, I can say with confidence that the best way to motivate your male friend to “make things official” is to back off from spending so much time with him. If everyone thinks you’re dating, then you’re probably acting like you are. But by giving him so much access to your time, affection and intimate friendship — without requiring any commitment on his part — you’re removing all the incentives for him to be forthright about his intentions.

You’re right, it is the guy who’s supposed to do the asking — don’t violate your instincts on this one. By giving him less attention you may actually create the circumstances that will embolden him to act honorably toward you.

And if he doesn’t, you’ve saved yourself from any more wasted time with a guy whose behavior indicates he’s not interested in moving your friendship toward marriage.

Be strong and courageous,


Copyright 2010 Candice Watters. All rights reserved.

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About the Author

Candice Watters

Candice Watters is the author of Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help it Happen, and co-author with her husband, Steve, of Start Your Family: Inspiration for Having Babies. Together they created Boundless in 1998. Little did they imagine how quickly 25 years would pass and that today, they’d have four children, two of them old enough to read Boundless for themselves.


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