“He heals the brokenhearted, and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3
After six months of dating, my first relationship ended at a Starbucks.
Two weeks before Valentine’s Day.
Before it happened, I sensed something was off in our relationship. But I pushed that uncomfortable feeling away when he abruptly said he wanted to meet. One minute I was happy to see him and the next I was darting into the restroom to bawl my eyes out after he explained the reasons we couldn’t continue our relationship (which is an entirely different blog post, friends).
I was a blubbery mess. I was shook.
Suddenly, I understood why the end of a relationship is called a breakup. It hurts, a lot.
And unless you end up marrying the first person you date, you are going to go through this awful thing. So let me offer some post-breakup self-care advice to help you heal. And trust me, it does get better.
1. Let people love you.
I don’t like for people to know when I am struggling with anything. Stiff upper lip and all. But you know what? No matter how uncomfortable it feels, it helps to let people you trust know what’s going on.
As word got out about my breakup (you’ve got to love how fast news travels in a single’s group), the text messages started coming in. My first instinct was to turn my phone off and hide in my room for the rest of my life. But that wasn’t a practical option. So I began reading the messages, and I realized something: the people who contacted me were genuinely concerned. And you know what? That in and of itself was really healing. And I wouldn’t have experienced that if I hadn’t opened up to friends.
One of my Sunday school leaders even gave me a sweet Valentine’s Day card, letting me know she was praying for me and was there if I needed to talk. Normally, I just would have shrugged and thought, That’s a nice gesture, but in this case, a simple card meant a lot to me.
Looking back, it was amazing the people God sent my way to help me. Which leads me to my next point …
2. Run to God.
As with any painful experience, it can be difficult to lean into God instead of figuratively beating Him in the chest. For me, when I was crying into countless tissues, God was the last one I wanted to run to after my relationship headed south. Eventually, I was able to go to God. I decided to believe He genuinely loved me and was going to get me through the pain of it all. I was honest when I prayed to God, letting my feelings loose, and then I rested in Scripture and worship songs. Running to God unveiled the ways He was providing for me during my recovery time.
Let me encourage you not to block God out when He desperately wants to offer you healing.
3. Disconnect from social media.
You may or may not need to go completely rogue from your social media accounts. At the very least, I am all for disconnecting from your ex on social media. When you are trying to move on from a relationship, it’s helpful if that person is not popping up in your news feed. Another reason to disconnect from social media is to get a break from the seemingly perfect lives of everyone else while you’re going through a difficult time. Do I really want to read about how your perfect significant other bought you the sweetest gift for your birthday while I’m trying to get through a breakup? No, thank you.
4. Treat yo self!
Yes. Spoil yourself. Eat chocolate ice cream for dinner. Go to that show you’ve wanted to see, and drag your friends with you (they’ll go — remember #1). Do something for you. In my case, I ate plenty of ice cream. And since my breakup happened right before Valentine’s Day, my friends and I did something fun together that night so I wasn’t stuck at home all alone.
You can and will make it through your breakup. I know it doesn’t feel like it at the moment, but healing will come.
What are some ways you have gotten through your past breakups? How long did it take? Share your experiences in the comments.