An Older Virgin in a Sex-crazed World

Smiling young adult woman
I’ll never forget the conversation I had with another student in Algebra II my sophomore year of high school. I don’t know what brought up the subject, but it was awkward to be discussing such a thing while working out problems on chunky graphing calculators. But my friend was grilling me on being a virgin. I assured her I would be a virgin until I married.

“What if you don’t get married until you’re much older?” she asked in shock, though she knew my adherence to God’s Word is what compelled such a decision.

“Even if I don’t get married until I’m 40, I won’t have sex until then,” I answered.

Awkward X-rays

Now here I am, almost 32, unmarried — and a virgin. What brings all this to mind is the interrogation I recently received while having x-rays to treat a ruptured lung.

“Are you on birth control?” the technician asked.

“No.”

“How do you know you’re not pregnant?”

“Abstinence.”

The word hung in the dark room for a moment until she muffled, “OK,” and went on with her job.

Then when I went in for a follow-up x-ray, I was asked again, “I know you stated you weren’t pregnant last week. Is there any chance you are now?”

“No, I practice abstinence.”

This time, the nurse answered, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

I didn’t bother correcting her by saying I was a virgin, not just abstaining for a time.

The Clock Is Ticking

The world has placed pleasure before commitment.

My sister’s friend lost her virginity on prom night and said it was not worth it, that it hurt and she did not feel loved.

My senior year of high school was 12 years ago, and the wait has been a trial for me. I often wonder if I’ll ever experience the pleasures of the marital bed. But I never question if the wait will be worth the patience.

I’m no longer a naïve 19-year-old eager to spring into a relationship just to be romanced. I know the realities of married life by years of study and observance. Sex is not a gift to give to just anyone, but a sacred testament of the commitment of a man with a woman in the bonds of marriage.

What I’m Missing, What I’m Getting

Fornication is everywhere. Are we aware of how ugly it is to God? Are we numb to the sexual innuendo we see everywhere? Our society is sex-crazed, but what is the fruit of it? If free-for-all sex was as good as they claim it to be, why are so many people fighting depression? If unmarried people’s sex lives are so good, why the pornography? I believe the fruit of not esteeming sex is dissatisfaction. Partaking in it just for the mere pleasure of it empties it of its God-given purpose and gratification.

So the wait goes on, for me at least. I’m over feeling weird about it. I’m thankful that God has helped me in the times of temptation, in the times of extreme want, in the fight against lust.

The young woman who used to help me graph solutions to linear equalities in Algebra got pregnant out of wedlock. I’m not sure if she ever got married, but I do know that her life is complicated now.

Now that I am only eight years away from 40, I’m still resolved to keep sex within the bounds of marriage. I grew up singing on the playground: “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage!” With God’s blessing, that’s the way I want it.

So to all the x-ray technicians out there: There is no possibility of a baby in my womb unless my status goes from single to married — just the way God intended.

Leslie Ann is a Boundless reader who prays daily for godly wisdom and loves to share what she learns.

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